kim garrison.

color of lust

2010-02-21T17:14:00.000-08:00

i am listening. to the sound
of thought
that hits the truth of feeling
that frees the fear that’s fleeting.
i witness disregard
in your eyes
i lift my voice to the heat in your limbs
i lay between the fire
of regret
and fervor
of need and disinterest
of life
and of love
and the color of lust.

believe it.

2009-06-26T08:25:00.000-07:00

when you wrap faith in fear. wordless. explosion. endless fascination. with regret. with mourning. with the joy that only expression can bring. in knowing. all of these things. are within our grasp. are not sewn onto our skin. but bathing us. in delight. in experience. in the present moment and past phases of perspective. i am owning all of this. i am pretending. no more.

prayer.

2009-06-26T08:21:00.000-07:00

prayers. weighted fingers. display warmth. energetic opposition. sitting within. voices. raised in unwilling support. where your fears meet my face and the wait is over. there is love in all of this. there is no more despair. there is no more time to waste. because. after all. after all this. we are still. a moment. not past. not gone.

death is ready

2009-04-09T16:37:00.000-07:00

i am soft skin exposing breath. i am soft hair resembling breath. i am grasping. at meaning. shooting my mouth in your direction. aching thought. regret a passing line. distance ever present. truth ready red blinking light. desire not in dire need of release but most certainly needing faith. for your mouth. a close second. in this race. has discovered the meaning. of water waiting steady. of death that brings me all that is ready.

once.

2009-04-09T16:34:00.000-07:00

i want to know where the storms go. when despondency sets in. when after effects quit rolling in. when my skin, which resembles your face...begins again. what wounds have found homes in this? what words have sunk in? what regret has found meaning in death. i walk in soft sequence. i laugh in afterthought. i give again and again and again. of myself. where within. you were once.

2009.

2009-01-02T12:00:00.000-08:00

renewal. rebirth. reception. where fingers no longer trail. and enemies of the mind no longer linger. here in the foreground. without regret. insipid reminder of all that remains. when one falls into oblivion. is healed by love. and engendered into spirit through faith. bring this home. all ways. again. and again. and again. welcome 2009.

we're not in kansas anymore. or san francisco for that matter.

2008-11-04T06:20:00.000-08:00

hello glorious world! i just voted. didn't know sucha thing would wierd me out. the voting booth was pretty much a teleport replica? i dunno bout the rest of the country...but i've only voted in san francisco and there we do it scantron style. pen and paper. oh yes. oh yes we do. we also have things called propositions. loads and loads of them. voting takes a while. and we all stand next to each other with lil black plastic partitions and vote. and when we're done we are rewarded with little oval stickers that proclaim 'i voted' and we walk around the city all day being proud of ourselves and our leaps into democracy.

today i walked into a junior high gymnasium. showed my voter card. went into aforementioned teleport replica and had to move a large red lever from left to right. then i had approximately 5 or so offices to vote for. that's it?! no booklets of literature to mull over? not arm and arm with strangers as we vote together? i mean, i knew this is how it would go down. there's been no propoganda on the streets and no 'vote yes on x/y/z' on the streets. i knew that the only thing anyone in nyc would care about today is this: vote for president. more specifically. barak the vote.

my choice was easy. i clicked my lil gunmetal grey buttons and saw the X next to Barak Obama's name. I voted for a few other candidates for senate and judge. and then i moved the enormous (yes, resembling something in a fun park) lever back to the left which then cleared my x's (i mean, counted my vote) and i was out. the whole thing took approximately 7 minutes. no sticker. no high-five's. well...i did call navani the second i got out to confirm that this indeed is how voting has always been in nyc. that was a good enough hi-five for me...and that was that. off to starbucks. yes i just said starbucks. they are giving out free coffee today. what the? yes my heart has just warmed to starbucks. but just a lil but. so everybody just calm down. san francisco i miss you. everyone there who is voting today, wear your stickers proud.

i'm not all nerves today. i know that the choices and the changes that are on approach have long been coming. this is speaking worldly, nationally and personally. i am one who adores change. pursues it. chases it. asks for it and snuggles with it. i know today we will receive it. however that may be. but it's coming. heck it's here. now if you'll excuse me. i must be off to obsess over electoral votes and decide where i'll be watching election night coverage with the gang tonight. watch out world. here we go.

xokg.

PS
a side note:
in other news? the new shiny toy guns record 'season of poison' is out today. log on to itunes, amazon or bust your butt over to best buy or your local music store and BUY IT. buy 5. buy 10. buy 100. just buy it. there is no acceptable excuse for anyone not to have this record in their possession today.

embarrassin' kim garrison stikes again (and other stories).

2008-10-27T07:28:00.000-07:00

i have a special talent. ok, perhaps many special talents. but one in particular is falling down. usually flat on my face. and for no apparent reason. (let's just say parked bicycles and i are not friends.) i've been limping along since a 1am subway encounter. you see it was just me and 3 clowns (clown #2, shorty and val kilmer). one small leap onto the j train. a lil bit of water. and well. now i have a knee cap the size of florida and arm bruises as parting gifts from subway poles. oh dear. ok. let's get on with the story.

sunday funday. i think yesterday we were on round 9? sister time. sibling time. new friend time. brunch and bar food and football. did i mention tequila? i blame christian. dang allergies. our standard sunday affair was in full swing. navani and dakin made it out. swooning. we all pretended to know something about football but after obviously failing (i think we shouted out team names for baseball instead of football?!)...we manifested some cards for our favorite round of 3-13. now, let me just get right to the point. past the beers and the shots and the food and the fun. let me tell you why i'm really here right now writing to you. because i'm pretty sure this would only happen to me. and i'm pretty sure i had about 4 witnesses. at least. so don't go telling me i'm exaggerating. or making shite up. or just plain crazy. or even creepy. cause outta nowhere. this really happened. are you ready?

a 5 year old was flirting with me.

now don't laugh. and don't you dare think i started this. i thought for sure i was hallucinating. so i asked sol to spy out of the corner of his eye. and dakin to watch in the mirror on the wall. there was some definite eyebrow raising. you know the kind i'm talking about. the wow-wa-wee-wa come hither move they do in the movies - kinda as a joke. i was sure i imagined it. until it happened again. and then he giggled. and then he leaned over to his father and spoke to him and pointed at me and it appeared he was getting some coaching. and then around the corner of the other barstool what appeared to be his older (12 year old?) brother was peaking at me. what the? ok. move on. that was funny i coulda laughed it off and ignored...if it had stopped there. as sol and i performed our usual shenanigans of laughing too loud and being obnoxious, this kid actually glared at sol! and ROLLED HIS EYES!!!!? convinced i too had imagined that i playfully pretended to slap sol to see what he would do......ummm. i'm not sure how to even say this. but. he gave me a thumbs up!? yes. people. this is true. this really happened. by this point everyone is trying to spy and see what he'll do next. scowling. eyebrow winking. dad coaching. thumbs up coercing. what next? this kid is gonna be quite the womanizer. you've been warned. and i really don't want to talk about how he threw himself up against the glass window as he was about to leave the bar. yes i said bar. and yes i swear to jebus he was 5. and he was with his parents. i'm scared. and now i'm embarrassed. next.

we left. we split up. i ended up with the boys. not THAT boy. MY boys. quelle suprise. by this point in time christian is about done for. but then he goes and orders tequila sunrises?! what the? oh and thanks dakin for chaperoning me in the bathroom. i was definitely afraid to go. let alone touch anything at the boiler room. hmmmmmmmmm. that was short lived. we couldn't convince christian to go hooka with us. lay. doc holiday's we love you. and meridith even more. so there we went. i am always amazed at how i still manage to find new things at this bar. it's like a treasure hunt for freaky people. for instance. exhibit a: there is a stuffed deer head mounted on the wall. seeing as how i have never sat anywhere but the bar i never noticed it before. i'm glad we were able to convince dakin NOT to make out with it. close. very close. thank god for my camera. there was dancing. and garth brooks loving. and lots of grabbing (i won't say what) and at some point i was in a falling barchair fighting off kisses and then saved midflight from crashing to the ground AGAIN. this time it was not my fault. i don't think. i dunno anymore. i plead the 5. or erroneous. or contempt. or preposterous.

i really need to learn some new legal terms. ok. that's all for now.

ps. clown camp nyc was in effect over the weekend. nashville came. saw. and conquered. pics soon.

tonight? nkotb. with sissy. watch out.

xoxokg.

स्कारेड तो ब्लॉग [i'm scared to blog]

2008-09-26T08:31:00.000-07:00

ok kids. listen up. i'm scared to blog because i most likely will incriminate myself. first of all. here he his.

i have somehow developed a micro-cosmic attachment to this man. don't worry. the feeling's mutual. what the?? HA. i heart all over his mom's face. take that clown.

now i'm not quite sure how to discuss last night without totally a) upsetting people b) being not-so-nice-and-that's-not-like-me or c) oh i dunno but there probably should be a c

ok.
you want a list? sure you do. my brain can't really form very long sentences right now anyway. ok here goes. to all my 'friends' [;)] that convinced me this was a good idea? a nice little experiment? healthy? NIET. reasons why:

* 9th and a
that's all i'm going to say. 9th and a. i don't know the address. i do not have the address. no no no. it's 9th and a. the first test = failed. NIET.

* jameson. and vodka. and beer.
if you do not like at least one of the above - NIET.

* if you wanted to interview me you shoulda asked. i am not applying for whatever job you're offering anyway. NIET.

* hi. word of warning. i am tall. like monster sized tall. if you cannot control your staring and your head actually moving up and down as you take a look....NIET

* if you can't believe in dreams but settle for what's 'realistic' - NIET

and one final and very poignant reason. and my personal favorite:

* i'm not so sure i'm into confused bisexual go-go dancing police officers. but hey you never know, right? NIET.

dreams.

2008-09-18T09:47:00.000-07:00

dreams that decide how to stretch.
bare bones and open palms.
reaching for abundance.
curse the distant waves that
can only come closer
waiting for the lesser known
fate of a face to release
to return
to find solace
and carry it
bright on his back
and place it
warily
at my feet.

only in nyc can you have this much fun! [and this is what it is]

2008-09-15T11:11:00.000-07:00

chi-town invasion?
family reunion?
spider monkey al quieda ninja clown parades?

check. all of the above.

cast of characters:
sol
christian
mili
greg
tommie sunshine
daddy devine
karem
locke
tanya
chris
noel
grampa (alex)

5 nights. wed-sun. and this is how it goes.
extra curricular activities:

night 1: sushi with mili and greg. dj and dancing at the annex.

night 2: best thai food in nyc at pukk. wine and the ericksons at rockwood with grampa clown. meet christian and sol at docs for family reunion time. wander to 'pick up mili' at hookah bar on 3rd where locke is playing. end up falling into the hookah vortex, drinking beer, sol and i edward cullen-ing ourselves with watermelon double apple sweetness all night! being introduced as a famous singer. dancing skulls. fire breathing. managing to leave and head back to doc holidays. deciding we love hookah bars - who knew? home.

night 3: more sushi. delirious. ditching goldfrapp. rockwood again with mouth 'sneezing' wine. excellent singer songwriter. meander back to hookah bar with loads of wine. migrate to bowery electric to find daddy devine and greg. largest clown parade ever head to annex for a bottle and asking the very obvious question - why are we still out? cab home for edward cullen time.

night 4: ummmmm oh dear. roll outta bed. fling into east village for brunch at the heavenly paprika. business meeting with grampa clown (alex), christian and sol. come up with pretty much the best idea EVER that is going to catapult soooooooo much...just you wait and see. head to dumbo to retrieve concert tickets. take my red skirt and black vested almost x-rated self to meet sol and see in flight radio at irving plaza. rah-rah. bolt. pick up christian. subway to brooklyn. get lost and wander while boys joke that we are going to get shot and upset me by reminding me i live in brooklyn. find the bar. find tanya. eat tasteless burgers. enjoy blueberry beer. entertain ourselves with noel. chris shows up. ummmmmmmmm. [insert censored thoughts here]. ditch the party. cab to iggys. salvation in manhattan. madness. uh oh noel is giving me whiskey. oh dear christian is dripping his drink onto my leg and licking it off. oh my. chris goes home. i think we have a dance party. i definitely am challenged by a stranger and yes i pick him up. noel and i decide we need to learn swing dancing. [insert censored activity here]. ditch iggys. head to kellys. sad clowns to see mean mean mean man kick kid down stairs. almost get in a fight. decide chances aren't good. move on. find out how i was found out as a singer at hookah bar on night 2. the randomness of seeing karem and posse there was just tooooooo much. the right conversation. and finally. last but not least. after embarrassing myself in the corner store with inappropriate conversation as well as lime chips and cheese dip...it happened. the fucking NINJA stole our cab. 'um did you just call me a ninja!?' 6am bedtime.

night 5: yes there's more. 11am wake up. unheard of delirium sets in. must have benedict and coffee. meet boys on ave c. walk way too much in the way too freakin hot sun. after looking at at least 10 restaurants and even going so far as sitting down in one and then getting up and leaving we end up a block from 'home' and have pretty much the best brunch ever with the most fabulous french people YES. now it's time for games. oh and please do not forget the freakin sippy cups. why are people looking at us so strangely? why aren't they laughing more? what is so wrong with drinking out of santas brains. free pizza. and 3-13 games. migrate. i love gay bars ps. why? free pizza, HAPPY HOUR and FREE WII. wii bowling rules at life and makes me want to sneeze. sol is out of control because he wins at EVERYTHING and rules at life so much i almost want to hate him. supplies from whole foods and a trip to a non blog appropriate store that definitely took our friendship to a new level [insert x-rated innuendos here]. it's finally time. doc holiday's. meridith we missed you. more sippy cup action. more 3-13 action. i should go home. do i? oh heck no. garth brooks. i do believe i saw christian picking up johnny's sister and throwing her onto the pool table. and then there was pole dancing. i for sure have bruising on my arms from that christian. ps. i'm sure your knees are bruised too? we lost santa to the wasteland that is the floor behind the bar. sad clown. more dancing. more laughing. it's 2am. i'm in a cab. goodnight.

i love you guys.

things that make me so unbelievably happy...it should...

2008-08-08T06:03:00.000-07:00

...really it should just be illegal:

bacon, egg and cheese on a roll - um hi heaven

ABN - adult beverage night

coming home at 3am and causing a scene

reunion time with christian and alex and meridith and doc holiday's WOOOT [I have a photo of Christian in the market at like 230am and it’s kinda priceless coming soon!]

head automatica - for saving my life today. after 3 hours of sleep the past 2 nights i thought it quite possible i just might involuntarily teleport outta my body this morning on the subway. yes that means i was feeling pretty delerious. solution? blast head automatic on my ipod and unabashedly DANCE on the subway (yes in public). not only am i now awake but i'm giggling still and singing lines from 'laghing at you' 'at the speed of a yellow bullet' and 'lying through your teeth'

oh joy
oh me
oh my

oh yeah! and speaking of reunions. some random i met like um eight months ago resurfaced outta nowhere last night. love it.

and my phone is bursting now with all the new friends that are in it.

and
and
and

michael if you're reading this you better get yer skinny ass up to nyc next weekend before we send a squadron of angry mobsters to pick you up and deliver you to us.

shannon's here in 3 days ummm kinda the best thing EVER

jess will be here too ummm herro

and oh yeah don't forget kill hannah.
dance party anyone?

the end.

ps
if you need to
a) wake up
b) laugh and smile and feel happy to be alive
c) i'm tired, just watch this:

what you witness.

2008-07-27T23:06:00.000-07:00

what you witness. is beauty and truth. feeling their way. through archaic boundaries. through sweat and tears…bloodstains. giving through grieving. dancing in the sorrow of the self. to find rebirth. wait with regret no more. do not forestall growth for reminiscence. there is a place and time for all of this. and here. right now. in heaven. where we wait. i give and give again. in order to save myself. in order that we may find. what’s forgotten is already forgiven.

freedom.

2008-07-09T11:20:00.000-07:00

the taste is inexplicable. gorgeous. edible. happiness-love-here - & -now-thank you.

bklyn. it's a love affair.

2008-06-30T08:09:00.000-07:00

game on. bklyn, i love you! it's true. rampant screaming rain. thunder. lightening. surprise visit from a los angeles partner in crime. walking at least 8 miles. crossing the williamsburg bridge on foot. laying all the way down on aforementioned and very wet bridge. predicting the weather. 7 minutes anyone? spain winning the euro cup. spike hill madness. seeing jes hudak singing backup for enrique iglasius/ [rad]. impromptu brazilian dance parties. secret art galleries. insanely beautiful debaucerous graffiti. glasslands how i adore you and cannot wait to find you again. rockstar bar how tragically hip you are i can't wait to play there. kent street with your red door and art (ichobod? jesus? yes!). wandering wandering wandering. perfect. jax and taly. ummm you rule. oh yes and do not ever forget roebeling tea house. omg yum in my mouth.

and manhattan you are still loved too. for your amazing thai food, pukk you save my soul. hell's kitchen for your brand new irish bar. doc holiday's for bringing me stellar friends and more fun than anyone should be allowed to have with a jukebox. meridith, christian, i love you.

all of this. in under 24 hours? a good sunday indeed. ladies and gentlemen. kim garrison is back.

get the full [visual] scoop here

highlights?

sacred geometry.

2008-06-27T11:41:00.000-07:00

you are shades of green,
misinterpreted.
ancient grass of words
which speak rhythms to me.
my heart, unbinding lives
of languid time.
lost
you are loosening
my lucid lines of living
with your hands
inching in
without words.
stitching all the places
unworthy of regret,
into phrased phases.

misinterpret
my understanding
of what this is…

simple
sacred geometry

maybe.

2008-06-17T09:40:00.000-07:00

maybe i have leapt into the abyss. seeking an unknown enemy. righting myself in the face of what has been lost. of what i have given up to be here. maybe i am no longer without shame. without guilt. favored by god no more. seeking an empty mirror in an unknown land in a space so far from where it is i began. maybe. just maybe. he will still find me. walking without pretense. breathing without want. needing without answers. feeling without fight. maybe.

wasted.

2008-06-05T23:00:00.000-07:00

wasted. time. on images. ideas. percentages of faith restored. with warmth. promised. dreams only imagined. paths to cross. [despising witness]. slow wickedness. absentminded illusion. growth from the picket lines of fairness. only what we see can we witness. in such worth as only words can bring. this list of lust and longitude. this laughable space of certainty and calamity.

indecipherable.
decidedly imaginable.

aimless.

2008-05-06T07:45:00.000-07:00

the secrets. buried. beneath oceans. under sand. shifting. with the wind. which picks up. carrying heart in hand. forgotten what words have been said. forgotten what loss would give to an underhanded destination. that length would try. that your face would draw near. it is ever present. in the standing steward of sentence. let us draw in. behind the sun. let us love the loss and leave heavy headed. without cause for regret.

photo shoots. police. jameson. and more.

2008-04-28T07:25:00.000-07:00

my amazing friend navani wrote the most perfectly accurate blog about the weekend.
check it!

Navani Knows how to be a production assistant…

Running in creative circles like I do means actively supporting those around you in their endeavors. Most times it comes in the form of going to a friend’s show. Other times, as I learned this weekend, it means picking up a new skill set. For example, acting as production assistant on an impromptu Brooklyn wide photo shoot. I received a crash course in styling, photography and British culture while on location with my singer/songwriter friend Kim Garrison.

I may be in the midst of a career change as we speak people…GO KIM STREET TEAM! WOOT!

It was very reminiscent of an episode of America’s Next Top Model on a Brooklyn street challenge. Kim plays the contestant minus the crying, David Renfrey plays Nigel, the British Photographer, and I am the not gay, less glamorous art director Jay, minus the platinum hair. I shouted out directions and fixed her hair, but mostly just carried bags and sat with them.

In any case it was a cool experience playing apprentice!

Highlights included:

* Helping Kim get over her fear of heights on the Williamsburg Bridge.
* Learning how to measure light with special equipment and having it
added to my PA duties (along with watching the bags).
* Playing fashion show while eating butternut squash baked pizza.
YUM!
* Pinning up a nightgown and pretending it was suitable to wear outside at
6 pm.(MAKE IT WORK)
* Taking a picture of someone taking a picture. (STREET TEAM ACTION SHOTS WOO HOO)
* Kim yelling at everyone as they walked into Rockwood music hall to go to
the other room and not look at her.
* Getting accosted by the park police for not having a permit to shoot
pictures (after shooting for over an hour).
* The park police not noticing the huge bottle of Jameson we had with us
on location.
* Skater guy watching us shoot at the park.
* Skater guy following us around the block and watching us again.
* Kim sprawled out on a purple bench.
* Kim in the middle of the street with her dress and 4 inch heels, screaming
periodically that she is NOT a street walker.
* Finding the space invaders symbol painted on the wall.
* Skater guy still watching us
* Kim waving to the police hoping they don’t mistake her for a street walker.
* Trying to find the damn pier.
* Not finding the pier entrance, but stumbling on the best diner known to
mankind (Relish Diner)
* Learning terminology like “closer “(a closer body shot) and “neat” (drink
without ice).
* David reading his manual - um how long have you been a professional
photographer?
* David figuring out color saturation. We heart color saturation!
* Kim and I getting hit on by an eight-year-old outside the bodega - “you so
sexy, and your friend too:”
* Me learning about embedding colors and the real definition of a flat in the
same breath.
* Saying, “of course” after everything.
* Making David listen to Soko “I’ll kill her.”
* David loving the song.
* Getting scared by large groups of tourists in Dumbo.
* Running away from Dumbo shortly thereafter.
* Me speaking in a British accent for the remainder of the day.

So, it is very fitting that I am being sent to cover the AOL Fashionista photoshoot later today. Stay tuned for that blog…

find out more about navani here - http://navaniknows.wordpress.com/

post clown camp. the 'pretty sure' update.

2008-04-14T10:26:00.000-07:00

i'm pretty sure i should not be allowed out in public alone and then drink a lot of tequila. i'm just sayin....

i'm pretty sure i have about 7 mysterious bruises that i've acquired since arriving back in nyc

i'm pretty sure i'm fairly apathetic about being home. which is a strange feeling. especially alarming if you know me at all....

i'm pretty sure canada is inspiring me right now

i'm pretty sure i'll be back in CA this time up north the first few days of may

i'm pretty sure clown camp east coast needs to be happening asap

i'm pretty sure life rules even though i can't barely function at the moment (this having something to do with being mia for 2 days and no one noticing!?)

i'm pretty sure i'm happy to be home with my mongo

i'm pretty sure i am missing clown 1 and 2, ichabod and the crew A LOT

i'm pretty sure i love you.

xoxokg.

you know you're at clown camp when...

2008-04-11T08:54:00.000-07:00

you play hooky from your own life and most of your friends don't even know what coast you are currently on (ps. left)

your ability to function as a 'normal' human being in public is severely disabled and frankly downright embarrassing

you sneak out of the dance-arama party to go cause trouble at tiny's (no baby oil this time. thanks g!) and when you get home five boys are in the kitchen eating bacon, french toast, popcorn, beer and corn-dogs

you find yourself doing jazzersize at 3am with the tallest boy you've ever met in your life... in your underwear

and in closing i would just like to say 'are you a idiot?'

[clown camp la participants: head mistress! (kg), shannon (#2), kimberly (#1), caleb (cit/ichabod), shorty, corey, puddin, justin, gina, stacey and a few other stragglers]

photos you DO NOT want to miss coming soon soon soon. for now? take this:

you.

2008-04-01T21:00:00.000-07:00

these small spaces. where love gets in. the inevitable crack. the release of need and the approach of all that is. no matter what skin you may see. no matter what skin you may eat. the face of my will in this mirror. the singe of such need. still ever apparent. i will always. hold. the trust of my soul. in your eyes. the need of such beauty to be released. and only you would know. and only you could see. so silent. in this. space. i release. i wait. i function. with a balanced act. of intuition. lasting lust. beauty. truth. and you. always. coming back. to you.

a passing death.

2008-03-30T21:28:00.000-07:00

i may never understand the secrets of the heart. when spoken mouth to ear. never covet another when the reason are obvious and now quite clear. that nothing has survived. that no one can contain...what reasons still exist. for this. lasting pain. for this. loving surge of anonymity. regret. disbelief. that love. through ALL of this. can still exist.

2008 plug awards.

2008-03-08T22:54:00.000-08:00

i love our music. bat for lashes. devendra banhart (he was mia BOO!). jose gonzalez. nick cave. rock. read the review and pics here.

xoxokg.

finally...

2008-03-06T09:11:00.000-08:00

clarity...in the space between...finds silence, blinding. it aches where no one sees. where cause and effect dance at last and again place want inside fingers that have lusted so long for this freedom. if you witness my last breath would you know the secrets...longing... directing my movement all these years? would you see the actions of my heart on display in overarching color, worlds of words walking your way? could it ever be any more simple than this? right now? in this present moment? to forgive...and forge ahead with everything i have to give...to you and us in this brilliance in this recognizant world in this glorious birth of standing alone on my own two feet. such simplicity. such sanity. such clarity. finally.

congrats glen hansard!

2008-02-24T20:05:00.000-08:00

seriously amazing moment to see Glen Hansard & Markéta Irglová win an oscar tonight. known glen's work forever now and to see two real songwriters win something so 'hollywood' and being up against movie making machines....gesh i am just SO fucking happy. thank you thank you thank you. you are both beautiful. this is an amazing moment. so happy. thank you. xoxokg.

three things....

2008-02-22T05:41:00.000-08:00

three things making me unbearably happy today:

devendra banhart.
ethiopian yergacheffe... &
the inches and inches of snow outside!

i'll be in the studio again today and tomorrow.
should have a lil video montage for you soon. just you wait.
bessous.

xokg.

an explaination of sorts. treasure.

2008-02-20T18:34:00.000-08:00

so. for future reference let me give you an analogy.
treasure.
you are in a rowboat headed for vulcher island. i am in a rowboat headed for shore. the lighthouse....calling me. just wait till you hear it!
the end.

kim garrison stats. 02.20.08

2008-02-20T17:51:00.000-08:00

words won't come. not how they usually do. so you all must make do with this.
rufus is on. i have a kale obsession.
merlot from australia is damn good.
i have a habit of falling in love with gay men.
i have seen my universe shrink in infinite measures in the past 4-5 days [i am in love with it.]
martha loves the roughs...what else could i possibly ask for in life? ;)
10 months in nyc and i have manifesting everything i came here for.
10 fucking months. wow.
michael and christian i miss you already why have you left me?
i am having studio withdrawals.
steps. huge steps closer every moment. each day. thank you thank you thank you.
secret weddings i am now privy too...make me smile.
letting love live... well how about just letting it IN.
the mohave is calling me...and i am coming home to her soooooooon [glitter and dust and tears/laughter and laura...]
california are you ready?
the rest of you...prepare. i'm about to let go.

xokg.

monkeyboy studios - day 1

2008-02-17T08:34:00.000-08:00

yesterday was fantabulous. brad and brain rule at being mad scientists. alex and harry rule and rocking. team clown is in effect. i now have an easter duck bobble head for an emotional palletizer in the vocal room. we nailed 3 songs in one day - treasure, even leaving and show me one. today we are about to begin and i'm just....happy. and excited. and feel incredibly blessed to be working with such beautiful and talented people. woot. bring it.

xokg.

monkeyboy studios. here we go.

2008-02-16T06:43:00.000-08:00

hello pretty pretty ones.
well it's finally happening! today i am headed in to monkeyboy studios in brooklyn,ny to begin work on the record. alex nahas and harry green will be joining me to work with the fantabulous brad albetta [martha wainwright, teddy thompson]. i'm so very excited to share this news with all of you...you know how long it's been in the works. ny to sf and back again. i am here and i am bringing this for you. words and more coming soon....keep your eye on my blog. i love you all. so much.

xoxokim.

http://www.monkeyboystudios.net/
http://www.myspace.com/bradalbetta
http://www.myspace.com/brightbrown
http://www.myspace.com/harrygreenmusic

i know why he did it.

2008-02-13T14:39:00.000-08:00

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desire.despair.wearing white.

2008-02-12T16:14:00.000-08:00

sounds that make snow melt. scottish voices raised to me. hailing change. i cannot fathom the inexplicable warmth of snow. the cold cleansing...brushing upon me.

the twilight sad.

their sound is everything i feel right now. with red wine on my teeth. and snow blowing over my window. with every dream so close. with every lover held at gun point. the sound and the voice. sets me on fire. keeps me from harm. keeps the distance of steel and water at arms length. i will not go. i will not fall. i will not falter. not yet. it's not time to go. but soon. soon. soon. if you do not come back. then soon. soon. soon. i will call your bluff.

go listen to this band please. they are healing my soul. feeding my fingers. blessing my eyes and allowing me sleep.

it's not.

2008-02-11T17:09:00.000-08:00

you all may think it's a joke.
highly dramatic.
silly even.
but it's not.
it's just a good thing i'm afraid of heights.

sunday facts. 02.10.08.

2008-02-10T10:42:00.000-08:00

tonight it is going to be 12 degrees.
i have only seen it snow once since i moved to nyc [last april].
today my friends are going to win a grammy.
i am filled with awe and respect and joy for them. it has been quite the journey seeing their success in the past year and nine months.
i am unable to leave my house.
the wind threatens me.
the face of friends i am unable to meet...
i would like the shelter of limbs but there are none.
only sounds of chords and voices.
echoes of my own.
warmth from the heater that never turns off in winter.
regret that punctures my soul.
joy. that i've finally learned to be patient.
hope.
that i will make it through this.
ecstatic.
that i am so close, steps away really, from living the life i came here to live.
let
it
be.
enough for now.

xoxokg.

antony.

2008-02-09T10:18:00.000-08:00

this is one of the most beautiful, heartfelt, gut-wrenching, painful, exquisite, honest and stunning songs i have every heard. it has graced my life repeatedly these past few years. this showing of it will bring you life. please watch it.

thank you antony. can't wait for your new album this year.........

xoxokg.

first snow.

2008-02-04T08:08:00.000-08:00

a matter of redemption.
a space eating heart attack.
a head that finds escape in unlikely places.
a whole resting matter of guilt and shame released into this.
sin lifting in unending grace.
respite whistling between my teeth.
reasons to be beautiful.
anchors without ocean.
pain without suffering.
understanding in my feet.
love unbound and tied around my throat.
waging war with a song.
half listening with the eyes.
nodding in agreement with every space inside me.
holding close the intention you can feel but have never heard.
deciding that freedom will win out in the end.
that love holds no loss.
that it is holding onto every-little-thing.
enough.enough.enough. [for now]

truth.

2008-02-01T09:53:00.000-08:00

truth becomes spacious. words exit silence and enter dream. anticipating reality. forcing reconciliation in the heart and mind. matter over meter. lust dissolving desire and retiring into warmth. into arms that reach across oceans. into space that is filled with thought and reaction to this emotion. that only separates us...for a moment.

patience. inexplicable. returning you. to me.

xokg.

editors. [why live music should change your life.]

2008-01-18T06:58:00.000-08:00

now and then again you see a show that more than entertains. it more than surprises. it offers a gift and moments of peace. wonder that holds space for the self. the editors last night at terminal 5 was one of these. it ranks right up there with muse at popscene, radiohead at the santa barbara bowl and pj harvey solo at beacon theatre. never have i seen a band been so musically entertaining and solid while remaining engaged in soul-baring intimacy. i was already in love with the songs from listening to their two albums...to have the live show so far surpass what is already a brilliant collection of songs was just utterly amazing.

from the first song, bones, it was hard to look at anything other than tom, the lead singer/guitarist. he came on stage with the power to define and direct the heart in an instant. humble and engaged, explosive and sincere, all in a moment. every movement an impulse, an extension of sound, the songs being limbs, pieces of this band, the sounds of their life.

tom was always scanning the crowd with wide eyes and outstretched hands, often jumping onto the piano and then swapping guitar for keys mid-song. his energy was an invitation. the band moved in support of him, remaining in the shadows, creating the sound-scapes for sound and space, singer and song to play in.

the surprise song of the night was a b-side i'd never heard which was stunning. it's called you are fading and you should get into it and go get it for yourself. right now. go on...'i'll loose this i always have, i always let you down...you are fading, slowly drifting off to sleep'

i must mention lights...i've never truly seen a lighting design that was of any real import at a show. the editors...well they nailed it. the mood was uplifted and dramatized with every change...bringing the choruses to life visually and audibly...most perfectly executed on 'escape from the nest'. it was freakin brilliant. bring it on lighting designer, you rule!

it appears these guys have been on the stage together for a very long time. wide smiles and thumbs up to the crowd after each song [is this a british thing?] there was not one move out of place. not one moment lacking emotion. i was never tempted to look away. i was never left alone. all of this beauty...and even though my two absolute favorite songs off the album were not even played [well worn hand and put your head towards the air]...i thank you. for bringing life to rock and for the engaged intimacy that is so often lacking from live shows these days. refreshing doesn't even begin to cover it. don't miss this band. travel however far you must to see them. it's all that you need...a moment. a gift.

xokg.

ps. it's worth mentioning that hot hot heat rules at life. i love these kids. i remember the first time i heard them. i saw the video for bandages on mtv at some obscene hour in the morning. i pretty much thought it was the worst song i had ever heard. the guy just kept repeating 'bandages, bandages, bandages' and he was all wrapped up in, yeah...bandages. wtf? for some strange reason i ended up getting some of their music. yes it was because that song i thought i hated was stuck in my head and wouldn't get out and i wanted redemption that perhaps they had some other songs i would like. hell yeah. talk to me, dance with me RULES [you are my only girl but you're not my owner girl!]. but also let's discuss bandages because pretty much...the verses of that song are just bloody brilliant: 'i've been poking a voodoo doll that you do not know i made, of you, for you, let's see what needles do...i've been thinking i've been drinking too many drinks all by myself...' i mean, come on. so yeah, they rule and seeing them open last night ruled too. once again, much ruling in nyc going on. thanks guys.

miracles.

2008-01-17T15:19:00.000-08:00

weightless. silent. the scent of freedom ringing in cells...abandoned, in regrettable fashion. an episode of faith and fear. a new way to remember. all hope in forgetting. and fascination. endless. in the moments that arrive to save a life again and again and again. the mysteries of today calming my skin. stalling walls with such ease. tonight i see the editors. i get to feel the senses of god fall into me.

'you touch my face...god whispers in my ear...there are tears in my eyes...love replaces fear'

- the weight of the world [editors]

look back.

2008-01-09T19:18:00.000-08:00

sounds of constellations. hearts. ache. neglect. forgiveness. a pattern not yet met. in what circumstance can we move ahead? in what reaction do we release the stars and feed upon the earth again? tell me. in what language you are speaking. in what phrases are you manipulating to make me understand? there are no more reasons. there cannot be any more answers. you have given me your hand and in your long retreat given me every thing i need to know. that you never look back. you are never looking back.

what burrows in...

2008-01-09T19:17:00.000-08:00

i might have given every memory to him. left laughter at the gate of our union. lost a patch of innocent skin in hopes of being forgiven. for all that i am. for all that i wanted to do with him. and now. this space. of silence that holds onto sin. of grain that burrows in. and covers every inch, where he…where he always…used to be.

regret.

2008-01-09T19:13:00.000-08:00

regret. as it pauses. long hard look at my skin. what does it see within? what witness does it bring? i would like to cleanse myself. to absolve my worth and let love live. but i’m not sure. not quite sure yet how this works. how the weight of the world sifts between us and calms such sin. please. let there be sun on the other side. let there be movement. and restraint. heaven. as it come clean. let us be. free.

what listens.

2008-01-08T19:54:00.000-08:00

when you speak there is movement, listening. i remember this today. the words and actions of the universe have proven this to me. speak of lonely, just ask, and the plane shifts. today the words that have been spoken to me leave me utterly amazed. the heart of one so very far away, giving me such life in his way. in his snapshot. in his trust. in his return. [love exacted just i know it exists. i wish i could return it as he asks it of me.] and another, just a bit closer. a long lost call. the sweetest utterance. the call i needed at exactly such a moment to move into the evening which has proven to be just...a blatant reminder that every movement is heaven, that all that i do is all that i want and that it is finally all the same in action. thank you. thank you. thank you. it truly does not matter, any of these small smoke stacks, worry or misdeed. at the end of all this [and soon] i will have words and sounds for ears with my name on it. he has said yes. he has said love. and i am just...so...so... grateful for every single step i've taken to get here. i love you. all. especially tonight. especially right now. [you know who you are]. more soon. [i know this is cryptic]. ecstatic. the end. [thank you david and ben. for coloring my world today with your words.]

xokg.

transition. determination. destination.

2008-01-08T10:13:00.000-08:00

after being out just about every single night for the past 8 months....i must admit having a home and staying in cooking meals and reading has been heaven. not that i don't enjoy the madness that is new york. it's just time, to sit and recuperate and refocus on the madness that is happening on the inside. i realize my capacity to love is ever expanding. and new skin brings new depths. and fear only releases the need to express even more the emotions that come. i have been reading books on love. not romance. but the treasure of the soul when it finds that which instigates unfiltered joy. 'straight is the gate' is a very old, classic french novel that i read in one sitting. it brought out the pains of love as it carries two young loves into life, unresolved in their union. it resonated with all that i am feeling at the moment. that which you truly love lasts forever. and even if you are determined to spirit it away or carry it into another room or time or face...it will remain. it will hold onto you until death. it is a beautiful and heart-sickening truth. and i don't believe there is only one love that will find and bind to the heart, but i believe that the truth of our souls will want just one. and we must move to that rhythm. and we must make sense of that which is removed from our path, from our own resistance or the fate of an other. this is the way in which i live. this is the truth of what i know.

in other news. words and hope filter through me. soon these new songs will be born. the ones that have been trying to come through. those that up until now have had no home. trust. curse. loves lasts forever. 1,000 miles. war. gypsy love. and more and more and more. many solo shows coming up to bring these out. it's good to be back in this space...

for now i send sound to the wounds that have come and will come again. and hope to those that cannot hear me. i'm coming. i'm coming. i will be there soon.

xokg.

happy christmas [birth.renewal]

2007-12-25T10:53:00.000-08:00

a perfect morning of azure ray [safe and sound. and displaced]. loads of snow. i cannot even see the road outside of the house or any of the ground. inches and inches of perfect sky, falling. a beautiful morning of reflection and sound. pieces of my selves finding themselves again. letting go of nothing. noting the wants and desires that stir and stand alone. they never withstand such pressure to disperse. they never withdraw from the race. they wet themselves with anticipation. and grow. grow. grow.

xokg.

all in the family.

2007-12-17T07:34:00.000-08:00

we are pretty much a walking tv show. i'm not sure how we do it or how we find each other but pairs of siblings pretty much rule. having shots of tequila before grocery shopping rules too. playing pool and dancing to garth brooks? yep more ruling. i will let pictures show you the story that was sunday december 16th in new york city. yes yes yes texas has been forgiven and everyone is all in love again. i credit christian's homecoming for this.

the rest of the weekend deserves it's own blog and will be forthcoming [um dancing at posh, yes it's a gay bar and yes i still got hit on, scott's cowboy shot and other insane antics, moving to brooklyn and more...coming soon].

we discovered that grocery shopping is more fun with friends [the shot of tequila helped too i'm suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuure]:

cutest older siblings EVER? yep. right here. christian and shannon. they win.

and we're just cute.

sometimes i try to be a hater but it just never works. i love michael. mwahaha. :) mostly cause he puts up with me not being able to play pool at all and sings gb with me and drinks beer almost as fast as me and pretty much laughs at or at least puts up with me even when i am absofuckinglutely annoying and spastic. exhibit a:

there are many reasons to love just a little bit of everything when you are at doc holiday's. the pretty people, my favorite person ever [meridith]. the jukebox. the pool table. the pbr. buck hunter. on and on and on i go. here's just a random sampling:

that's all for now folks.
lovers you. big surprises coming up. stay tuned.
xoxokg.

loss.

2007-11-21T07:29:00.000-08:00

loss: the way breath can catch. absurd notions. erasing fine lines of pleasure. the way in which i move in opposition to thought. in dire regret. in falsities of surety. all that i have felt...in strict confidence, in necessity, in aggregated obscenity. i catch myself again and again. falling into this. shallow pool of lust. regret. forgiveness only just beginning. the acute pain of loss. slowly lifting. but remaining, none the less apparent. your skin. still shining...strong memory.

patience.

2007-11-19T10:42:00.000-08:00

patience.
not a virtue i've ever been much good at.

silence.
i'm even worse.

but these days.
i must.
and i'm learning. how letting go, makes me the master of both.

space.

2007-11-13T09:59:00.000-08:00

i have taken the time to place myself. consistently out of view. decidedly distant. i have begun the steps that will take me out of range. that will enable me to feel again. every instance. each sentance. all of the movement. inside this head.

i am able. to hold a space. ever expansive. mouth agape at the sound that it makes. holding you. always, in view.

why new york is the most insane city ever

2007-11-12T07:48:00.000-08:00

i am going to do my best to remember it all. i should have taken more photo's. for now. let's begin.
[i am still laughing. and i'm pretty convinced i am some kinda zombie as i only slept about 2.5 hours and i am awake and actually productive? yeah...]

friday night.
jonezetta!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
so excited your show was sold out at the knitting factory. so glad we got to sneak in. you made girl night so much fun.

doc holiday's?
well i fail and am no longer in charge of girl night because of you.
thanks.

saturday night. oh my my my. let's just say...i revisited and rekindled my love for iggy's. danny and i had welcome to nyc time. pirate mike was working. and stretch showed up. who knew?

then i headed over to julep. ummmmm. all i know is that if you look closely at these next two photo's you might get an inkling as to what was really going on.

nice. uhmmm. shirts. dan!

if i had enough photos we could go through the whole progression. it was like fashion week all in one night. ps. this shirt does not belong to him. i will give you one clue as to who really owns it. loooooook clooooosely.

and yes it's true he likes to go into the bathroom and put on women's clothes [i witnessed this with my own eyeballs!] and yes i still love this kid [ssshhhhh it's a secret.]

and purely for my own enjoyment and because she does not remember putting on the shirt of her friend/boss's boyfriend i am posting this [sorry mer but i have to!]

highlights of the night include: jeffe. you were just freakin hilarious!!!!!!!!!! and dan. i like philosophizing about music/living and my dating life [or wonderful lack thereof] in the middle of a crazy dive bar with bad hip hop on, your friends cross dressing and mer taking more shots than she was allowed. we are all one big happy family again and that makes me happy!!! :)

sunday.
oh sunday.
sunday
sunday
saunday funday
how i love you always

now i must admit i miss shannon and kimberly terribly [duran duran and opening night at cirque du soleil that's all i'm going to say!] but oh man...last night!? doc holiday's?!

i know this bar is one of the most silly places ever and you are bound to see all kindsa crazy gypsy-ness but really? all of that really happened last night?

i mean...one guy thought it was open mic night. he pretty much set up his electric guitar and played [or tried to play] pink flyod all night. huh? cut it out man. the country music is depressing enough. you were not helping.

ok. stunts at the bar. danny was trying to rocket launch himself.

pbr and text messaging pretty much always rules the night.

now. i'm really going to try to preface these next pictures with some witty banter and explanation. but basically. there were some obscenely drunk people at this bar [big surprise i know]. but this night was special. well...HE was special. if i must summarize the night in one mere photo well this is it. this is the big winner. here you go. are you ready for this? really? ready? brace yourself:

his name is joe and yes he is attempting some strange acrobatic where he lifts his foot onto the bar while staring at us and i think talking in some barely intelligible gibberish.
it got even better when too lovely ladies came in and one decided that she would claim him as her own for the evening. it was definitely inappropriate.
let's just have a moment of silence now:

about this time in the night i check out. i head uptown. but ummmmm. i got locked out. so after wandering around 90th street listening to stg blaring in my ipod and almost crying cause i had to pee so bad. yep. i hoped back on the subway and returned to the scene. danny had returned as well. and we basically had to rock paper scissor over meridith. being homeless i won. almost had a mini meltdown. then continue with the evening. danny rules. and not just because he was my bathroom escort. [i will definitely live if i never see the inside of the men's bathroom at doc's again thank you very kindly].

in case you were wondering. we rule.

in case you thought that was all oh you're wrong.
the best part of the night was trying to decipher the words of the man next to me who had just sliced his own tongue. yes. apparently the day before he decided he wanted to split his tongue. apparently i have missed out on this new trend. i am just not cool anymore it's really sad. in any case. wow. good luck with that man. sorry you can't taste anything or talk without a lisp anymore. oh and thanks for the offer but ummm no thanks.

anyone wonder why i am single in nyc...?

why i have the best life ever.

2007-11-05T08:30:00.000-08:00

seriously. life fucking rules. i can laugh harder than i ever have in a LONG time and cry all in the same day and it still rules. i am surrounded by the most beautiful supportive fabulous friends a girl could ever ask for. i am going to do my best to summarize this weekend. brace yourself.

friday night was team kim break-out. meridith and danny came to my rescue. we packed up everything i own in about 20 minutes, convincing the apartment building tenents that we were ransacking the apartment i'm sure. totally funny to throw your own stuff into bags like a burglar. turns out i'm pretty smart cause i was living with a borderline psychopath and just found out phew. go me. go life. woot woot.

being picked up in a black escalade and escorted uptown RULES. showing up and expecting to carry all the goods up three flights cause the elevator's broken... yeah....well....the nice men servicing the building at that hour [seriously who works at 7pm on a friday?], well they moved all my stuff for me. and i got to ride in a pitch black elevator with a man i didn't know and no door watching the red paint soaked walls that looked like blood. pretty much a scene out of a scary movie except it's really my life and it's actually quite funny instead.

the great escape!

i love these men:

dawn rules. bars on the upper east side with smokin hot bartenders rule too. pizza and beer and pj harvey rule. there's a lot of ruling going on. you better get into it.

saturday shannon and kimberly arrive from los angeles. we go shopping. which included gucci and champagne for breakfast. the girls go to duran duran and i attempted to hibernate. this was until i received an s.o.s from downtown. dude. let's just put this out there. if you are mean or dare i say even an asshole to my best friend...please do not think you can still be my friend. please?! ok thanks. shannon and kimberly show up. they are DRUNK. meridith is often my reason for living and saturday was no exception. i like to take her boyfriend and show him off to strangers and feel quite awkward but laugh about it all the same. apparently i also like to hang out with boys from texas that i shouldn't. more on that later. i must say it was really nice to be the least drunk in the group. i didn't even embarrass myself! go team!

danny i'm posting this because your face says it ALL!!

sunday. aweeeeeeeeee sunday.
sunday funday.
how i love thee.

i don't think luke had any idea what he was in for but he took a chance and met up with us. blind tiger. you are the reason i go to the west village. i love you. and your grilled cheese and tomato soup and your bloody beer. and your plentiful taps. universe i love you for bringing heidi to the bar. because it's pretty amazing to have someone i know from los angeles who i haven't seen or talked to much in 6 months just show up at the bar i'm at. cause to have 8 million people in one city but randomly run into one you know...well it's just pretty awesome.

oh yeah dawn rules:

and luke really likes kimberly's iphone:

thank you my new indian man friend who sells me tara incense and makes it tolerable for us to hang out in a bar that smells like dead rat. it's a true testament to how much we all love meridith that we were able to stomach that. it probably has something to do with chocolate cakes shots. i'm just saying.

kinda love her cause she's a sheriff:

danny when you dived under the pool table and came out the other side i thought for sure i would die from laughing. and thanks for trying to dance with me. we are obviously two girls. that didn't work so well. but it was fun trying.

by this point in the night we have divided into team kim and 'the rest of the bar'.

team kim:

there was really no contest. we win. having 10 of your best friends all in a bar on the same night listening to garth brooks and johnny cash RULES. i mean RULES. life rules. friends rule. everything rules. dawn and jeff it was so good to see both of you. luke is now officially in our family and one of my new favorite people. every time you make that deniro face i just bust out laughing. and your red cheeks say it all.

danny. day 3 in nyc and you fit right in. shannon. oh the shannon show. i love my sister. kimberly. i'll say it again. i am only pretty because of you ;) thank you for my haircut. and for dancing with me in your underwear. and for basically being one of the coolest people i know. gerry. oh gerry! you are one of my favorite drinking buddies. you rule at life. texas? i think you know what we think of you. you're out. i like rocks.

the end.

stars.

2007-10-26T07:38:00.000-07:00

i can’t see. the color of skin. blinding me. forgotten the ways of sound and your face. forgotten the taste of love on my limbs. alive this weight of the world. standing so near to me. the fortunate light bursting through. the sky unable to hold me. the stars aching with their pull. their lasso. their final attempt to stand down and let loose…my final disgrace.

clean.

2007-10-23T14:02:00.000-07:00

fill my mouth with stars
animosity overridden
with guilty pleasure
the space between your eyes
haunting...
the width of your fingers
etched inside me
the length of your face
still near.

in all these memories
a truce
in knowing
the state of emergency
has long since healed
the wait of such mystery
long ago fulfilled.

i'm
moving
in
synch
with
the
weight
of
water
stilling
my
skin.

gush time [the editors.]

2007-10-22T12:49:00.000-07:00

music. it's been mulling around in all shapes and forms these days. what's good. what's decent. what's life changing earth shattering. what's not just total and utter bullshite. standing outside of piano's this weekend amid a gang of uk hipsters running amok to see gawd only knows who...i was pleasantly surprised by the conversation i overheard. not too-cool kids discussing their love of some overrated band that we will all forget about next month...oh no. they were discussing their disdain for all the 'funny music' being produced. now this is truth. so much of what is hitting the lines these days is quite simply comedy. it's like, how many more times do i need to see a band in their underwear dancing on stage and talking about bubble gum or washing dishes with their mom or repeating the same line over and over again but backing it with a danceable beat so now it's ok and justified to put out on a cd and put on live shows???

i'm so glad i'm not the only one bored by this...[yes i was beginning to worry]

now the kim moment. and what brings me to my need to post today.

the editors.

when first listening to their new album 'the end has a start' i had the same immediate reaction i had to interpol [ugh, joy division rip off]. last week i downloaded the album since my good and trusted friend has been raving about it [hi, i have oh maybe 2 friends whose music taste i trust and when they speak i listen...]. first song comes on, [ugh, interpol rip off]. now i guess i should clarify that i went on to fall in love with interpols second album and took back every sly remark made against them. perhaps with bands such as this it takes two albums. in any case. the editors. holy fucking god dammit beautiful. finally. music that is heady, inspired, dark and morose dealing with the fear of survival and the mysteries and pains tied to death and the horrors occurring every moment in this world right now. and the sheer uplifting beauty that comes from living with, in and through it. it is neither depressing nor distracting. it is honest. painful. and gorgeous.

i can't stop listening.

have some. please. put on your headphones and if you are not convinced try again in a week. i swear. it will own you.

put your head towards the air
&
well worn hand

[i'd also like to shout out kitchenware records their small uk label. see...it really can work!!]

love and lifted. xokg.

you do what you do

2007-10-17T07:42:00.000-07:00

only in new york. i have found you....the most amazing bar/speakeasy/restaurant i've ever been in. i don't want to tell you the name but go to 6th st in the east village and find the wooden door that weighs 100 lbs to open and enter. there are no windows. do not be afraid. get the first drink on the menu, the jalapeno infused tequila with lemon and strawberry puree. watch the long process it takes to make drinks. admire the men in ties and vests. and nina and frank on the stereo. be so happy to be in such a gloriously romantic and yet hip spot that is utterly chill and relaxed. heaven. thank you new york.

i have a plan and so many words to say. but not now. the appearance of so many old friends and loves and nights warm my heart. i hope you all can come visit. i think i've only slept alone about 4 nights since moving into my new place...so many visitors. keep it coming. now if i could just master this whole work/day/play/night/go-out-every-second-i'm-alive-in-manhattan attitude and not get sick we'd be golden.

life is so good it makes my tongue hurt.

oh yeah and ending up at random hip hop events with chi-town jess is just classic. nothing like mc's/dj's and loads of people wearing old school ray bands with neon sides and even more people wearing their glasses without any lenses in them. wow. flava-flav would be so proud! when the serious hip-hop was ending they started mixing in g-n-r. at this point i started shaking my head...it was time to go. lovers you chicago peeps. xoxo.

pj harvey : beacon theatre

2007-10-10T21:29:00.000-07:00

thank you
thank you
thank you
thank you

pj.

thank you.

[rebirth.]

seasons.

2007-10-08T13:51:00.000-07:00

today i am missing the seasons that no one is privy to. the changes of the interior. the paths i have tread. the road i am wandering now, traced by fate and the lingering lives i have left behind. it seems everywhere i turn today there are reminders. of moments of simplicity. when i made careless decisions that have lead me to this place. into this space where everything i own and everything i am is all that i want and need. and yet i have given up so much. so many. and this innocence now gone, scratches at my limbs. i have caved in. and now i must face my sins with bowed head and palms bleeding. i miss my beautiful friends. i miss the bridge that holds solid these dreams. the forest that was always able to witness my rebirth. the desert that gave me movement and healed my head. i want the moment i gave myself away to erase. i want my hands to fold steady once again. i want the stupidity of growing pains to lessen the weight now straining my heart. without the wings surrounding me now i would not be breathing. in a space such as this with no home no love no standstill i continue. i must. because if i gave up everything i love...it's got to be for something. it's got to be for this. [i am steps away from it. inches before my face. i can taste it. let this be the last leg of the race...]

xx.kg.

and now......what i do best!

2007-10-05T07:13:00.000-07:00

today, while enjoying my food and beverage from the deli next door i will attempt to do what i do best. explain in grandiose detail the excitement that is my life. and i will do this without ever giving away the secret truths that are really at the heart of me. i've got mad skills.

doc holiday's. once again you have provided ample entertainment and a fertile playground for all things new york. my new partners in crime, narnia and golf digest [names changed to protect their identity], have been converted to lovers of DH as well. meridith i love you. what a beautiful way to end a crazed maniacal day... dwayne. i think you saved my heart just a little bit last night. it was quite a day. one in which every great saga of my life was coming to a head. meetings were had. a letter was written and appointments were made. the letter wasn't sent. you convinced me to wait. maybe it's not worth it. maybe it doesn't matter. all i know is that you understand the pain that comes with this. and you let me know it was okay to do nothing. maybe that was just the alcohol talking. but between the advice and the Foreigner tour schedule from 1978 that you handed to me...i was a pretty happy
kim-chee last night.

i fail for not having my camera. i also realize i'm about 2 months behind on the paparazzi page [sorry kids]. the update will come soon.

mysterious bruises really are the defining factor of a great night out. [thanks for pointing this out navani.]

and now for my encore i will simply stop writing this blog by stating the obvious and well known fact that coffee is a miracle drug that i love to consume in large quantities and will continue to do so for the rest of my life. amen.

standing 5 feet from 11 humongous speakers

2007-10-03T21:24:00.000-07:00

i was 3 feet from the stage and about 5 feet from a wall of speakers. i can't really hear right now. but i sang and danced and jumped with my keys hanging from my pocket [sorry shannon]. banquet. blue light. modern love. i don't know your names but you are one of my favorite bands. bloc party. thank you for madison square garden tonight. thank you for bringing sounds to make me move and forget thought for an hour and a half. you know how much i love you but....you just weren't all there tonight. me thinks you like london. perhaps sitting in your flat writing and drinking and singing and tweaking. the cute lil bass player...i thought he might start yawning. poor guy looked like he wanted nothing more than to be curled up with his wife at home. and emo guitar man? i like how your hair covered all your face but you were more than shy. the only expression you ever betrayed was a 1/2 second wave at the end of the night. now mr drummer man. you were kinda into it. you got us clapping a few times. and handed out your drum sticks and water bottles at the end of the set. i think you were happy to be there. and well thank god for you singer/guitarist/savior of my soul at times. if you hadn't asked us to sing along, let us have a solo during blue light and ran a lap around the entire theatre during the encore i might have forgot this was a rock show. bottom line and truth be told...you were all beautiful. honest. i love you. i didn't feel my soul being ripped out and reassembled as i do when i see matthew, chris and dominic. but not everyone can do that. and well...your cd's are so beautiful that i forgive you for everything. thank you nyc for another amazing evening.
xokg.

a perfect song.

2007-10-03T14:15:00.000-07:00

this is one of the most perfect songs i have ever heard in my life. i'd like to thank jennifer glass for covering it a few months back and bringing it to life. i must confess i was quite bored and not paying attention when i saw this band perform with martha wainwright last year... :)
your instructions: download. play. repeat.

You Could Be Happy [snow patrol]

You could be happy and I won't know
But you weren't happy the day I watched you go
And all the things that I wish I had not said
Are played in loops till it's madness in my head

Is it too late to remind you how we were
Not our last days of silent screaming blur
Most of what I remember makes me sure
I should have stopped you from walking out the door

You could be happy, I hope you are
You made me happier than I've been by far

Somehow everything I own smells of you
And for the tiniest moment it's all not true
Do the things that you always wanted to
Without me there to hold you back, don't think, just do

More than anything I want to see you grown
Take a glorious bite out of the whole world

loss

2007-10-03T11:44:00.000-07:00

i know this feeling [numb]. this hollow pit of stomach. the pain of a year unfolding. the inability to speak, to think elsewhere. the failure to eat. sitting in the sun but the chills keep coming. a year ago it was him. today it is the loss of self. and i know this feeling will pass. it will evolve into a moment only to recall. but today. and tomorrow and the day after i know. at least this much. that it will remain, tied to my waist. such a solid ambivalent reminder, that i have lost. that i must surrender. that i must continue the dreaming...

sometimes.

2007-10-01T14:33:00.000-07:00

sometimes. there are small animosities. fears that have allowed sullen claws to digress. tears that have hastened their approach, looking beyond thought, passing over memory and simply waiting for release.
when your breath quickens and your palms sweat you are withdrawing into a place where i will not be able to face you. and in this secret world where every moment is encased in silence i can see, the angry fate of such love as this. the only fate worthy of sound and space.

skin.

2007-10-01T14:24:00.000-07:00

please don't tear the skin. there is not much left. and there are tiny time bombs, asking why, and you are scuttling off without reply. resounding answers...that nothing can erase. a place where lust was dry and caused such empty space to come alive. there are retreats, small cavities i can hide inside, where you find me. breathing. barely alive. there are treatises. waving red flags. on approach...heaving. then, just gone. and often, without so much, as a sullen goodbye.

bliss [aka, the ny deli]

2007-09-28T07:29:00.000-07:00

it's time to revisit this subject.
the new york city deli.
and what men do with eggs and cheese.
i'm not even a big fan of eggs. i rarely eat them but on morning like today [read: little sleep for 3 weeks straight now, coming off a best friend visit, a sister in town and two nights with shiny toy guns....] eggs and cheese and katsup and strong ethiopian coffee from porto rico imports [a reason for living] is much needed.
hallelujah. praise new york. these seemingly small things are entirely NOT over-rated. that i can stumble over to the deli and pay $2 for such a delectable life changing breakfast...well it just kinda makes me feel like the luckiest california transplant ever. i love you nyc. woot.

xokg.

bjork. [lullabies for ravers]

2007-09-25T06:40:00.000-07:00

madison square garden. last night. bjork. i cried within 30 seconds of her being on stage. [that voice...] unbelievable. it was pretty much a greatest hits concert. she played almost 2 hours and only sang 4 songs from the new album. hyperballad was stunning and then remixed at the end. a full on rave song. i have never heard a love song so amazingly danceable. what a beautiful precious honest soul. my dear sister must thinks me crazy crying the whole show but that's what happens when i hear a voice such as that. thank you atlantic for the tickets. thank you shannon for gettin em gratis last minute for us. made my life, kinda. [sorry i had to miss your show mr. armata]

oh and the unexpected highlight? antony coming out to sing a duet with her. i adore him and have never even really seen a picture of this man. unfortunately his back was too us and he kinda hobbled out all hunched over, sang in the shadows of the stage then stumbled away before i could catch a glimpse. oh but his voice. heaven. thank you.

as for this morning. well. let's just say central park and coldplay [yes insert witty gay comment here, but it was parachutes so is that joke really applicable???] there's a song that i used to curl up to on repeat about 2.5 years ago. it was the most hopeful comforting beautiful song ever. what magic to play it today and stand in front of a sun reflected pond in central park. it was a moment when i stepped outside of myself and let be all the drama that's circling at the moment and just dive in. dive in to emotion and sensations grander than myself. that's the only way to explain it. and today i know i've been let go again. and maybe, just maybe this time, it's me who is ready for it. i sure hope so. if not, i will always have my songs.

pretty pretty. [i'll see you soon...]

So you lost your trust
And you never should have
No,you never should have
But don't break your back
If you ever see this
But don't answer that
In a bullet proof vest
With the windows all closed
I'll be doing my best
I'll see you soon
In a telescope lens
And when all you want is friends
I'll see you soon

So they came for you
They came snapping at your heels
They come snapping at your heels
But don't break your back
If you ever say this
But don't answer that

Ina bullet proof vest
With the windows all closed
I'll be doing my best
And I'll see you soon

In a telescope lens
And when all you want is friends
I'll see you soon

you lost your trust
you lost your trust
don't lose your trust
you lost your trust

::coldplay - i'll see you soon::

ps.

2007-09-20T13:05:00.000-07:00

[i can't wait much longer]

death [rebirth] and longing.

2007-09-06T07:37:00.000-07:00

i cannot hide anymore. death traps tapping my window. asking for audience. laughing in wonder at the jump my heart takes to be near you.
witness a slow rebirth. the momentum of memories carrying me towards you. burrowing deeply into the earth. no longer waiting. no longer longing. just standing still in such movement. standing amid the chaos. demanding order and contracting with god and demons. angels and omens. all so that i may save myself. from the destruction. that's sure to come. when i say i love you. again. and again. and again.

grieving.

2007-09-06T07:25:00.000-07:00

there are no phases of regret
merely repression
of emotion
singeing my hair
in anticipation of approach.
what avalanche can withstand such love?
when you have witness my demise
and my pursuit of distance.
when you have stung the only memory
that would keep me from you.
i can only sing a song in silence.
grieving for you
with words you'll never know.

bruised knees and sock puppets

2007-09-04T07:34:00.000-07:00

random? yes. so here you go:

tired. and why? i spent at least 1.5 days in bed this weekend and i'm still just not with it.
3am bedtimes? why are you failing me?

my knees are extremely bruised. apparently bicycles locked to scaffolding are extremely dangerous. stay away. girl fall down go boom.

meridith likes socks. james likes to put makeup on them. call them simone. and make them sing 'ne me quitte pas'. any questions why i'm friends with these people? that's what i thought.

i like to play with our sock puppet simone while meridith sleeps and watch showtime original series. i love meridiths loft. and blueberry beer. and dummy drunks who think moving to los angeles is cool. doods. your $10k/month house on the beach is not going to magnetize every cool person in lala land to you. but it's a funny idea. good luck.

hmmmmmm.
dear brain
please work soon
or teleport me to the nearest bed
canal and mercer is NOT that far.

love you. don't wanna be on you. my girlfriends and one diva rule. amazing brunch. daniel thank you for cooking up a storm and breakin in the apartment kitchen. michael thanks for showing up in a suit for all of 3.5 minutes to drop of champagne. val. 4 days mamma. then you are mine. i love you.

xokg.

misdemeanor

2007-08-21T16:25:00.000-07:00

deciding. if it’s time. if there’s enough space between. if there are open ended answers to what this is. what becomes one hundred? what skin touches down? what wills collide to bring this back to life?

i have overheard enough in this life. i cannot claim ignorance. i cannot fathom release such as this again. your skin is too fair. your touch too heavy. your eyes too brilliant to let go again.

i set him free. i release myself into ether. i suck the airs of absence hiding between our palms. i can sense every movement. every sigh. every thought that comes within 10 feet of me. and you are all about it. your skin. your face. your fingers. tracing the lines of want and desire ever so slightly, lingering, drowning. sacrificing not a thing. no more. no longer. absence cannot control me.

i need rilke. i need bukowski. i need baudelaire. and nin. and miller. i need a song. a stance. a word action-deed-misdemeanor. i need you. i need you again.

perfection [waiting for us]

2007-08-21T16:14:00.000-07:00

perfection. as it reels me in.
sounds sickly and remotely insecure.
i’m not sure about petty thoughts
or angry laments
but i’m fairly certain
your skin
with its faulty deeds
and master inception
is hurried
and longing
looking for me in sidewalk cracks
above gravestones
and under tree branches.
and now

there are wide expanses
languid movement
and insipid limbs
lusting after us
waiting
for new blood
waiting
for us

xoxo

begin. believe. receive.

2007-08-13T08:25:00.000-07:00

adjustment comes again. bare limbs. silent tongue. relaxing into sound.

the space i fill is indirectly linked with yours. the time i kill is a gold mine. watching. waiting. receiving. i wash water from my skin. i wade into this. reliving pain. drowning in my own inanities. she cannot save me. and she will not let me go.

i hold skin. dreaming. lucid. unaware of the power my hair holds. unaware of the waves that come. crashing into you. when you stand near to me. or even when. you are laughing. across the room.

i must not forget. i must not name names. i must always. in every case.

begin. believe. receive.

dear san francisco

2007-08-09T13:15:00.000-07:00

i miss you today
the fog on my face the cold summer
the steep hills the crooked lanes
i miss you today.

xokg.

forgiven. and free.

2007-08-06T09:31:00.000-07:00

i am tempted to disguise...my self. my fate. my faith in this.
when you approach me with eyes down, hair weighed with thought, skin to touch...i cannot breath. but i want to believe. in obscenity. in this truth. in the knowing of what i feel when you are not even in the room. i am walking towards you. feeding space with recognition. holding heat in my hands. i know how to love an infinite space. a wonder of such beauty, placed in front of me. given to me. forgiven. and free.

engagement.

2007-08-03T08:30:00.000-07:00

time and space. as it settles on my skin...liquid and airid. belonging and secretive. i house regret no more. my brow released...my senses overwhelmed, with the most beautiful joy i have know. until now i steped through darkness with eyes open, sleeping with demons, dancing with shadow and coming through, somewhat unscathed. i have stories to share with you. of my own demise. of the sounds the sea has made [the battle in her head]. i offer you this. one piece. one golden strand. and stand steady. ready...for faith. for blood. for your hand.

[decision]

2007-07-31T07:41:00.000-07:00

precious. and perfect. decidedly undiluted. walking...sandstone wearing...waving redwoods...raving. such beauty in truth and decision. such confidence in solitude and isolation. i crave nothing. knowing the self in decidedly unmovable terms. both of my hands are empty. smiling. full mouth and heart no longer wavering. i wholly embrace the taste of this. decision. to move. softly stepping. again and again and again. with nothing and no one. and ev-er-y space inside of me. a light.

[worthy]

2007-07-30T10:12:00.000-07:00

i want space to come over me. step inside the cells where walls meet. when you arrive...i sense the world stashing air around me. causing life and love to fall through my skin...forcing breath and extracting nonsense. there are no words to call forth execution. you are a wonder of this world. a cave for craving. a man worth surviving.

diety.

2007-07-30T09:51:00.000-07:00

your face. a slight deity. bound before me. your limbs. watching in silence and tearing at me. wavering slightly so that i might see. whispering softly so that i might know. every reason. every acceptance...and lust and love that could cover us. every memory that ever has been and is being created in this moment. now and for each step. i take. towards you. i am not standing in silence anymore. i am awake and perspiring. exhilarated. and patient. amazed. at the beauty and futility. of Love.

wow. that was a night! (julep. doc's. and my new favorite gay)

2007-07-26T06:29:00.000-07:00

i'm not sure how to describe last night. so i'll just get to the specifics.

first off. if you haven't eaten at jeollado (sushi on 4th between 1st and 2nd) you are missing out on one of the best things in nyc. amazingly fresh produce. gorgeous sushi. and sake for $1. yep. a buck.

julep. oh how i love thee. not only for your amazingly cheap (dare i say free??) beer. but the basement (guero) is pretty much my 2nd (or is it 3rd or 4th...?) home. playing a show in the dark with a red light on me was pretty awesome. and despite the fact that i had a hoarse voice because i've been out till 4am and up at 8 every morning for the last 9 days you still loved me. liza. genevieve. jeff. wow. you rule.

gerry. you made me something delicious and even included a plastic spoon. i was confused at first about the bag with soy sauce in it. but then i realized you are a far better drunk than me and were merely providing the utensils for the gorgeous yumminess that you created. i know it wasn't apple pie. but i liked calling it that. and i liked eating it even better. having homebaked goods in a bag with my name on it handed to me when i walk into a bar is awesome. i really am homeless....but well provided for...woot!

doc's...meridith. that's pretty much all i have to say. and daniel thanks for coming out. and noel it was good to see you. and most importantly, christian! despite the fact that i was wearing an impossibly short black dress with hot pink underwear and you decided to knock me and my barstool over...you are still my (new) favorite gay. see, usually i am perfectly capable of incurring enough mysterious bruises onto my person in the course of a night. but you my dear...wow. there's nothing like tumbling from that height. in that dress. onto the floor. good thing my ninja skills kicked in and i was able to recoup before anyone knew what happened. it sure was confusing. and you are still my (new) favorite gay. and your brother's hot. awesome.

dawn. you rule. that's pretty much the verdict. popcorn. sex. and the city. we are dangerous alone but trouble together. i love you.

ok kids. that's all for now. stay tuned for pics and more stories. mili's coming this weekend. i hope i don't die.

xokg.

my feet step softly.

2007-07-23T11:50:00.000-07:00

there's a reason that beauty does not lie. that truth holds all secrets ransom. that my face seeks redemption in yours. there's a reason that guides me, steady and unwavering towards this place. where answers speek freely. where beauty, truth, and love are the only reality.

state of affairs.

2007-07-23T11:24:00.000-07:00

ok where to start. my head does not hurt but i am bruised. and my eyes won't focus and my inner organs are shaking. part joy of living part lack of sleep part being in love with the world...it adds up indeed. i think nyc has taken to me quite well. i've spent 3 of my last four birthdays here and they just keep getting better. photos. coming. soon. more. right. now. too preoccupied trying not to fall over to post :)

thank you all for this beautiful weekend. i love you. shannon. dad. meridith. dawn. jeff. alex. jen. bacon. michael. jess. jessica. taly. james. gerry. suzanne. joey. strangers. and new friends. oh yeah. ps. dancing at 4am to garth brooks and being swirled around on the dance floor then having your partner slide across the floor on his knees to you a la dirty dancing patrick swayze style? hot. i love everyone (i think i said that already)...

this week? solo show at my 2nd favorite dive bar (julep/guero) on wednesday. come on. disco balls, candles and vintage furnature? bring it.
*find an apartment*yoga*sleep*
and tonight? fried pickles.

:)
xokg.

reasons to be beautiful :: catherine feeny

2007-07-19T13:46:00.000-07:00

it's time. to share...more music. more sound. more soul.

i've been humming all day...'you can't tell the truth, not even to yourself...'
the opening line of the brilliant song 'touch back down'
if you've never heard it best get on over to www.catherinefeeny.com and check it out

also just as obsessive is my fascination with the song 'i come home' which you can hear on her myspace page:
www.myspace.com/catherinefeeny

she has a stunningly hushed voice, soothing and soaring all at once.
it's beautiful to see her getting so much more attention these days.

...xokg.

wow. really? (my head hurts and other fun stories)

2007-07-19T08:24:00.000-07:00

let's begin with a side note ---> only in new york do they not only make your coffee for you adding the perfect amount of cream and sugar in an instant...but they place it ever so kindly in a paper bag with napkins and hand it to you.
so strange.
i'm lovin it.

ok back to my head.
it's hurting. a lot. a ton. mucho. beaucoup.
i narrowly escaped turning into a gremlin.
shannon is in town and trouble is already loose.
we headed out to see the james armata show last night (um. heaven. if you haven't seen him you are missing out. ps. crazy drunk irish people are not the authority on channeling k thanks. i am.)

despite our best effort to see the show then head straight home so we could get shannon to bed since she hadn't really slept or eaten in about two days...well.....we.....ended up drinking. let's see...wine, beer, whiskey (omg i'm so sorry jameson i cheated on you but he wasn't irish so does it really count???), jager, vodka. repeat. and no, i'm NOT wondering why my head hurts so bad today. but thanks for asking. (5am bedtimes are nifty.)

i'm not going to explain much more. photos tell a much better story. let's just say that telecasters rule. unborn alien babies drool. and i love everyone. even you.

:)

[gift]

2007-07-16T09:33:00.000-07:00

stand. encased. enraptured. lost language resurfaced. he pulls the face of fate apart before my eyes. i wear callous remarks no more. honoring the deafening language that calls forth angels and demons together, at once, in such space as this. where golden threads appear, long entwined, ever apparent. you are the call. you are the space without waiting, the energy of moon and jupiter, the ring forgiving all reproach. there has never been such vision as this. where words call colors and memories and skin, drawn together without touch. i know not what this speaks of. but i remember everything. and i know that excellence, past and present, is now a gift to give. in you. through you. with you. and of you.

[untitled]

2007-07-16T07:34:00.000-07:00

please remember. that lust is not a virtue. that obscenity is a cause for retraction. that inspiration is a song and a touch and a moment free of time and space. let there be fortune. and light. a signal. some sense of rationale.

i love. and what of it? what fears have been faced to come into this place...

i cannot carve any more secrets into my skin. the words of your dream, placed on my palm, will remain. i can see again. i can sing again. and with that. i will begin again. i am free again...to place such hope and want and need in a single thread. and dance until it's tied between, this space where we meet.

xokg.

lost.

2007-07-13T10:37:00.000-07:00

i have lost all lines of communication. misplaced teeth and tears over this. held my own hand and rushed forward accepting fate and fear and synchronistic wanting. but such silence blinds me. there is no mastery of wordless lust! or even you, near. i have lost everything. everything this time. and though the words tie hard knots around me, faltering and caressing. i know. [i know that he is gone.]

razors.

2007-07-13T10:31:00.000-07:00

i feel sharp. sticky. obsolete.
airs and absence and comfort are lodged deep in my throat trying to get out. seeking space. hands and limbs and lips. they retrace fate and bring forth memories long buried. i thought i was stronger than this. i've grown to know more than i wish. so sitting softly on lily pad and sandalwood, i carve secrets into my skin. singing, for faith or freedom. listening for eruption or just, a moment within.

this is not a riddle...

2007-07-09T08:01:00.000-07:00

only a fool would choose fear over love.

prayer [true taste]

2007-07-09T00:12:00.000-07:00

prayer. for peaceful remembrance.
for forgiveness
for sins and lust and regret
for every moment I wait for you
for every second you wish it could go on
without a word of undue persuasion.
I am not without fault
I crave what does not belong to me
I am not without fear
I taste what is offered no more
but I believe
and trust
the pain and truth of lust
and remember
to hold
and embrace
the true taste
of love that’s to come

forgotten.

2007-07-09T00:01:00.000-07:00

it’s tearing at my limbs. shooting ‘cross my belly. obscene. wicked. truthful.
obsession dies a faulty death only to rear up night after night. again. slight worry. remembrance of broken heart, wet limbs and absence. but the heart knows no limits. the hearts seeks only truth and with it, late night phone calls, dreams or words of sex and rebirth. if only there were answers. but questions, more, keep coming. and I have no response. I have heady words and eager hands and silence…
I can calm anger. I can live in love. I can claim beauty and death at once. I can stand still in this. I can engage chaos. I can be the answer, loose tongue and a wager on how long till this is all forgotten.

love. [i forget]

2007-07-02T18:18:00.000-07:00

it's almost 930. i'm in nyc. sitting on a balcony. alone. finally. for one of the few moments i get these days. which i cherish more and more. the sun is gone but the sky still holds onto blue. it's not even hot and it's july 2nd. some miracle. some beauty. my mind mumblings are of love. of relationship. of the unspoken contracts we make to each other. conscious. unconscious. before arriving here even. the commitment we make. to communication. to understanding. to seeing. to knowing. to holding. to respecting. to knowing what we are and what we need. so that we know what to ask for. so that we know what we can receive. so that we can embrace and willingly give that which we are confident to offer. so that we can carve out space such as this to reflect and replenish and honor our solitude when needed. when it is asked of us.

delusions. of rules and regulations. forgetting that a relationship brings flexible boundaries made to be pushed and expanded so that we can grow. i forget. i set up fences and close doors. loosing the keys and forgetting combinations. i unhinge doors to keep myself occupied, in attendance to all i'm being shown. the dance of faith and lust and love. of friendship, of long forgotten lovers, of souls, mating, underestimating and recuperating. i forget that language cannot solve issues of the heart. that emotions cannot be persuaded except through simple song or long bouts of silence with both beauties present.
happiness. growth. the knowingness of another. the understanding of the chaos that makes their world exist. the holding of their hand. the weight of their breath. the slight release. the full birth. of love.

the special relationship

2007-07-02T11:26:00.000-07:00

somewhere between assassins, glaciers and airplanes there is a space. i can't call it love. and i won't call it lust. i won't even name it. but i will explain it. a situation so delicate. so tenuous. so filled with adoration and slight obsession. with questions and exclamation points and..................... lots of ...........'s. sometimes grief. she carries in a splash of apathy and rewards patience with understanding. sometimes no words can come. sometimes too many are uttered. sometimes all that is needed is a hug, a head on the shoulder or a look in a bar with a handful of strangers watching to acknowledge what is felt. to be reflected back again and again and again...all that cannot be spoken. all that is unknown. but felt. deeply. in the heart. on the skin. in fingers and in photographs. in words and through song. there are days one wants to walk away. there are days i want to run. catch the first plane out of new york city. and fly to you. but i would not know how to sit still for so long. or what of me you would take when i arrive. when the offering is everything. so i walk in circles. standing in dreams and changing my reality with long deep breaths and calm seeing. you are not me. there is no destiny. there is longing. and deep stirring. and lessons burrowing inside of me. transforming. rearranging. adjusting. still i cannot and do not and will not expect any little thing from this. from you. but i sit. and watch. in silence. offering up to you the simple space of my heart and the emotions therein that lay bare. for fear of the unknown is no longer an emotion i can live with. what words must speak have spoken. what wait has abated now brings fortune. and new songs bear singing.

reunited. and it feels so good.

2007-06-29T10:47:00.000-07:00

after a brief stint on tour. my purse and i have been reunited. the united baggage ticket speaks of her harsh but fulfilling journey into unknown hands and lands. and her contents remain intact, miracle of miracles:

new sunglasses. new thich nhat han book (true love). new paulo coelho book (the witch of portobello). journal (not lil notes journal, full on journal i've taken into other countries with my life written in it!), unlimited subway card, atm card, checkbook, note with all bank information on it, drivers license, stg/kh favorite hat, apt keys, burnt orange ribbon, $24, lipgloss, mascara, compact, lotion, camera, cell phone (uhm i wuv my blackberry), camera (paparazzi is back!), dental floss, contacts case, amber oil, and a few misc papers.

seriously?

thank you kenny, carah, jeremy, mikey and jim for making this possible ;)

and thank you whisk-wee. i will not be needing your services for some time now!

don't worry kids. this is just the beginning.

purse abducted by alien

2007-06-28T09:59:00.000-07:00

i swear this story is freakin hilarious
ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
the alien is in possession of my purse
i'm scared
i just want it back
anyone with alien communication skills please reply with advice
i obviously only know how to ninja fight and we all know how that ended up the last time...

kiss kiss.
xokg

private beauty.

2007-06-27T08:25:00.000-07:00

hold yourself
close
lean in
the ground is on approach
fingers
deft and stalking
release stars and light
sliding gently into me
teasing my hair
lifting my brow
resting sweet kisses
on lonely lips.
if only
the world
would see.

an explaination....of sorts...kerouac and bukowski

2007-06-26T13:55:00.000-07:00

in honor of last nights adventures (and the surprising lack of concern about my nightlife activities from my closest friends) i thought i'd share some lifestyle appropriate quotes from some men near and dear to my heart. mr. kerouac and the esteemed mr. bukowski. let the game go on...

Charles Bukowski:

"Some people never go crazy, What truly horrible lives they must live"

"If you're losing your soul and you know it, then you've still got a soul left to lose"

"There will always be something to ruin our lives, it all depends on what or which finds us first. We are always ripe and ready to be taken."

"Well, people got attached. Once you cut the umbilical cord they attached to the other things. Sight, sound, sex, money, mirages, mothers, masturbation, murder, and Monday morning hangovers."

"Never get out of bed before noon"

and my favorite....

"Sometimes you just have to pee in the sink."

not that i've pissed in a sink but...well...i can sympathize.

Jack Kerouac:

"The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn, like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop and everybody goes "Awww!"

"I like too many things and get all confused and hung-up running from one falling star to another till i drop. This is the night, what it does to you. I had nothing to offer anybody except my own confusion."

"What’s in store for me in the direction I don’t take?"

"Accept loss forever."

"All of life is a foreign country."

passions. words. music. travel. cities. paris. galway. new york. san francisco. los angeles. love. angels. demons. death. transformation. the tower. the song. the heart. food. wine. whiskey. beer. kisses. hands. limbs. this is what keeps me alive. solitude. absolution. hope. loss. pain. forgiveness. trust. tears. divulging. speaking. screaming. tasting. exploring. wandering. asking. leaping. stepping. running. fleeing. moving at a steady pace. friends. lovers. both. dive bars. martini bars. east village bars. love. love. love. in it through it full of it touching tasting exploring ... expanding. xokg.

on tour.

2007-06-26T09:43:00.000-07:00

my cell phone's on tour
my last 20 bucks is on tour
my drivers license is on tour
my debit card is on tour
my new paulo choelo book is on tour
my apt keys are on tour
my favorite hat is on tour
my freakin camera is on tour!!!
my monthly unlimited subway card is on tour
my lipgloss is on tour
my makeup is on tour
my journal is on tour
heck my chopstick is on tour

but i'm at work
how's that?

oh you want the story?
welllllllllllllllllll.
too bad.

the sun.

2007-06-25T12:12:00.000-07:00

please face the sun
but do not melt me
turn inside out
let something form
fateless
free
and place yourself
in my hand
let me touch the mystery
let it unravel me
tasteless
without resolution
i can deal
with another break
another happenstance
but it must be now
done
spaced between my fingers
touching my feet
wrapped up in my hair
i cannot be alone again
i cannot face the sun.