color of lust

i am listening. to the sound
of thought
that hits the truth of feeling
that frees the fear that’s fleeting.
i witness disregard
in your eyes
i lift my voice to the heat in your limbs
i lay between the fire
of regret
and fervor
of need and disinterest
of life
and of love
and the color of lust.

believe it.

when you wrap faith in fear. wordless. explosion. endless fascination. with regret. with mourning. with the joy that only expression can bring. in knowing. all of these things. are within our grasp. are not sewn onto our skin. but bathing us. in delight. in experience. in the present moment and past phases of perspective. i am owning all of this. i am pretending. no more.

prayer.

prayers. weighted fingers. display warmth. energetic opposition. sitting within. voices. raised in unwilling support. where your fears meet my face and the wait is over. there is love in all of this. there is no more despair. there is no more time to waste. because. after all. after all this. we are still. a moment. not past. not gone.

death is ready

i am soft skin exposing breath. i am soft hair resembling breath. i am grasping. at meaning. shooting my mouth in your direction. aching thought. regret a passing line. distance ever present. truth ready red blinking light. desire not in dire need of release but most certainly needing faith. for your mouth. a close second. in this race. has discovered the meaning. of water waiting steady. of death that brings me all that is ready.

dreams.

dreams that decide how to stretch.
bare bones and open palms.
reaching for abundance.
curse the distant waves that
can only come closer
waiting for the lesser known
fate of a face to release
to return
to find solace
and carry it
bright on his back
and place it
warily
at my feet.

what you witness.

what you witness. is beauty and truth. feeling their way. through archaic boundaries. through sweat and tears…bloodstains. giving through grieving. dancing in the sorrow of the self. to find rebirth. wait with regret no more. do not forestall growth for reminiscence. there is a place and time for all of this. and here. right now. in heaven. where we wait. i give and give again. in order to save myself. in order that we may find. what’s forgotten is already forgiven.

sacred geometry.

you are shades of green,
misinterpreted.
ancient grass of words
which speak rhythms to me.
my heart, unbinding lives
of languid time.
lost
you are loosening
my lucid lines of living
with your hands
inching in
without words.
stitching all the places
unworthy of regret,
into phrased phases.

misinterpret
my understanding
of what this is…

simple
sacred geometry

maybe.

maybe i have leapt into the abyss. seeking an unknown enemy. righting myself in the face of what has been lost. of what i have given up to be here. maybe i am no longer without shame. without guilt. favored by god no more. seeking an empty mirror in an unknown land in a space so far from where it is i began. maybe. just maybe. he will still find me. walking without pretense. breathing without want. needing without answers. feeling without fight. maybe.

you.

these small spaces. where love gets in. the inevitable crack. the release of need and the approach of all that is. no matter what skin you may see. no matter what skin you may eat. the face of my will in this mirror. the singe of such need. still ever apparent. i will always. hold. the trust of my soul. in your eyes. the need of such beauty to be released. and only you would know. and only you could see. so silent. in this. space. i release. i wait. i function. with a balanced act. of intuition. lasting lust. beauty. truth. and you. always. coming back. to you.

a passing death.

i may never understand the secrets of the heart. when spoken mouth to ear. never covet another when the reason are obvious and now quite clear. that nothing has survived. that no one can contain...what reasons still exist. for this. lasting pain. for this. loving surge of anonymity. regret. disbelief. that love. through ALL of this. can still exist.

finally...

clarity...in the space between...finds silence, blinding. it aches where no one sees. where cause and effect dance at last and again place want inside fingers that have lusted so long for this freedom. if you witness my last breath would you know the secrets...longing... directing my movement all these years? would you see the actions of my heart on display in overarching color, worlds of words walking your way? could it ever be any more simple than this? right now? in this present moment? to forgive...and forge ahead with everything i have to give...to you and us in this brilliance in this recognizant world in this glorious birth of standing alone on my own two feet. such simplicity. such sanity. such clarity. finally.

truth.

truth becomes spacious. words exit silence and enter dream. anticipating reality. forcing reconciliation in the heart and mind. matter over meter. lust dissolving desire and retiring into warmth. into arms that reach across oceans. into space that is filled with thought and reaction to this emotion. that only separates us...for a moment.

patience. inexplicable. returning you. to me.

xokg.

look back.

sounds of constellations. hearts. ache. neglect. forgiveness. a pattern not yet met. in what circumstance can we move ahead? in what reaction do we release the stars and feed upon the earth again? tell me. in what language you are speaking. in what phrases are you manipulating to make me understand? there are no more reasons. there cannot be any more answers. you have given me your hand and in your long retreat given me every thing i need to know. that you never look back. you are never looking back.

what burrows in...

i might have given every memory to him. left laughter at the gate of our union. lost a patch of innocent skin in hopes of being forgiven. for all that i am. for all that i wanted to do with him. and now. this space. of silence that holds onto sin. of grain that burrows in. and covers every inch, where he…where he always…used to be.

regret.

regret. as it pauses. long hard look at my skin. what does it see within? what witness does it bring? i would like to cleanse myself. to absolve my worth and let love live. but i’m not sure. not quite sure yet how this works. how the weight of the world sifts between us and calms such sin. please. let there be sun on the other side. let there be movement. and restraint. heaven. as it come clean. let us be. free.

loss.

loss: the way breath can catch. absurd notions. erasing fine lines of pleasure. the way in which i move in opposition to thought. in dire regret. in falsities of surety. all that i have felt...in strict confidence, in necessity, in aggregated obscenity. i catch myself again and again. falling into this. shallow pool of lust. regret. forgiveness only just beginning. the acute pain of loss. slowly lifting. but remaining, none the less apparent. your skin. still shining...strong memory.

space.

i have taken the time to place myself. consistently out of view. decidedly distant. i have begun the steps that will take me out of range. that will enable me to feel again. every instance. each sentance. all of the movement. inside this head.

i am able. to hold a space. ever expansive. mouth agape at the sound that it makes. holding you. always, in view.

stars.

i can’t see. the color of skin. blinding me. forgotten the ways of sound and your face. forgotten the taste of love on my limbs. alive this weight of the world. standing so near to me. the fortunate light bursting through. the sky unable to hold me. the stars aching with their pull. their lasso. their final attempt to stand down and let loose…my final disgrace.

clean.

fill my mouth with stars
animosity overridden
with guilty pleasure
the space between your eyes
haunting...
the width of your fingers
etched inside me
the length of your face
still near.

in all these memories
a truce
in knowing
the state of emergency
has long since healed
the wait of such mystery
long ago fulfilled.

i'm
moving
in
synch
with
the
weight
of
water
stilling
my
skin.

sometimes.

sometimes. there are small animosities. fears that have allowed sullen claws to digress. tears that have hastened their approach, looking beyond thought, passing over memory and simply waiting for release.
when your breath quickens and your palms sweat you are withdrawing into a place where i will not be able to face you. and in this secret world where every moment is encased in silence i can see, the angry fate of such love as this. the only fate worthy of sound and space.