i love.

and life changes.
the world shifts.
the fog rolls in.
my mouth tastes different.
my voice craves other ears.

unexpected blessings.
heavy hearts releasing.
honoring.
obeying.

the weight of love is not one
to dispose of.
I hold it.
embrace it.
feel every inch of it.
such new skin.

what would this world hold
without such imposition.
without such movement.

one woman.
a soul
very much
my own right now.
to love in such a rage.
to want with such a need
that all other shortcomings
become irrelevant.
erased.
and
the receiving end.
no knowledge.
bodies that function
without emotion.
(such ability to hide.)

but we are one.
us women.
to sit and feel
and breathe
and touch deep
sadness.

and this brings smiles.
to feel.
to throw back
warmth
and comfort
that has been taken.
I am not afraid.
I am not ashamed.
I am admitting.
that I am in love.
that I do not hold
back
this water.

and it is felt
in every movement
in every breath
in every swallow

music
holds
me.

one step
towards all
that I have
and all that
will be.

I love
I love
I love

and
one
day
all
will
see.

sound never dies.

this journal. that blog. so many places to record thoughts.
my morning pages. on myspace. on my website. here.
i realize today that sound doesn't die. that space is always filled again and again with endless variations of thought, word, deed and feeling.

a deep well of sadness turns to anger. if vulchers could find you...ha.
and then release. a week of endless joy and entertainment...laughing and forgetting sleep to make up for all the happiness i looked less upon this past year. i had an entire year of fun in one week. it was blessing heaped upon blessing.
thank you.

i have started to clean. i am packing. i am moving. i cannot wait. this stale city i was holding my breath for. how silly of me. i can laugh at myself and smile gently. thank god. or i would have killed myself so easily these past weeks.
i thought on it.
but laughter always won out.

thank you nyc for the blessings of friendship and opportunity. thank you los angeles for the purpose and promise of music and love. thank you san francisco for blanketing me with warmth and comfort. i have no need of you any more. no need of you at all.

goodbye.