Friday, July 30, 2004

word to the woot

oh man today is a crazy day

i haven't eaten yet but i've had two cups of coffee

i'm kinda, shaaakkkkkeeeyyy


i'm listening to an old fierce gig from may 29th of last year at the stork club. it's so crazy. those songs seem so distant. my voice is wavering all over the place and the band is so loose...but it's funny...hearing outkast and my first songs that i no longer sing...i'm waiting for 'your flesh is nice' to come on. it was the jeff buckley song i did at that was our last band gig too...did you know if you type in 'phierce' in google my website comes up? google psychic or what? strange...oooh the song just came on. god this song is so rad, i can't believe i attempted this in public hahahha! everyone should sing 'your flesh is nice, wanna take a bite' it's just too much fun. but it was the day, and he needed to have one of his songs done...

okay anyway

been doing some drawing, woman being engulfed by a snake that turns into a tree...and listening to music. just being and breathing. i really wish i could exist in this cocoon a bit longer. to just BE and not have to do all these other things that are coming to the surface, begging for attention...job hunting and apartment searching. can't i just read, write, sing, draw, love and play all day? :) one day soon.

i feel so close to the core of what i've been searching for. and i know once i arrive and claim it i will only begin a search for something else. as that is the nature of evolution and consciousness and life. and i embrace that, laugh at it, love it. everything changes and i am not immune to that truth. it touches my fingers and wets my tongue.

brian is leaving today. his life and home is in sacramento and i've been trying not to fear the dissapearance of his face from my life. i know such love for him in his presence and yet such doubt and irrational suspicion of truth in his absence. the universe has brought me what i asked for only a little over a week ago...and now it seems to be leaving...

but check it, he plays like me and takes self portraits (but he doesn't close his eyes like me, hahha) :

now i put on the fierce demo we recorded that i never let more than one soul listen to...

i forgot how much i love the song valium...

'my dreams, are solid answers

my fears, release demons

they draw black lines around the sun

they feed me valium...'

and how funny it was to have a song called 'little monkey'!!!

'there is no end in sight

inside my mouth is a sigh

i walk into the water

fell your mirrors on all sides.

i have tried the waters

but they are dry..,.

[insert little monkey screaming part! ha!]

i have seen the angles of my heart

distracted by the thought of you

i have heard the silence of my soul

distanced by the sight of you

haunted by a bitter view

i would not mind

if you died

for me

i would not mind

if you died

for me

you taste like

chocolate on the vine...'

okay that was enough of a trip down memory lane...

promise new songs coming soon, for real, on the site...

time to go now...



Monday, July 26, 2004

what day is it?

okay kids.

meet brian

now i can't really say too much about him cause i know he'll be reading this at some point, haha. so you'll just have to use your imagination...

i spent most of the weekend with him, shopping on canal street and laughing at everyone with their LV bags...eating lots of food too late in the afternoon, drinking brooklyn lager and even seeing new jersey.

oh yeah here's us in a bathroom. too funny. having a camera makes me feel like a secret ninja spy

yesterday we went and took the staten island ferry...see how beautiful manhattan is!!! god i love it...

and what's the best about this ferry is that it's not filled with funny tourists, and it's FREE. see why i love the staten island ferry? seeeee???

hey, window reflections are so cool...

okay i'll stop tormenting you...

moving along.

i still haven't looked for a job. i really really need to or i won't be able to eat in about two weeks,let alone try and move into a new apartment. i really really really want to find a place near here. i can't bear to be anywhere else...cross your fingers. hmmmmm.

in other news, i'm 26 now and it feels no different at all. i am doing exactly what i want and am exactly where i want to be. that is the fucking greatest feeling ever. there is no more longing in my heart.

omg this next picture cracks me sister and i went to piano's after dinner with jess on my bday and she took this pic. i look like i'm completely about to fall over, like some crazed bukowski drunk, but i'm not and that's what cracks me up. i wonder if you are enjoying these pics as much as me? it's a novelty still...this whole digital world i can share so easily....anyway

pink meat played a show at the luna lounge on friday. we rocked it. i had so much fun playing drums. i finally feel like i can play and i don't get nervous, not at was insano hot and raining and craziness. i still say that i am not a drummer, i just drum...we'll see what happens with all that. no pics of the show, but here's pre-show

okay i think i should be off, go take a bath and then grub on some pizza before playing some guitar and laying down some more tracks. the demo is coming along. the levels are off a bit bt what can you do when recording in a room with just a live take on the computer?'ll hear it soon...i'll post one or two as soon as they are 'done'.


xo and all that loveliness.


Tuesday, July 20, 2004

bruises and chocolate

man if you could only see the bruises on my KNEE!!! there's like a little goblin family of eight on the inside of my right knee from where i bashed it into the snare drum repeatedly during practice today! jesus i thought i was going to vomit but no i did not, nor did i start bleeding from any wounds, though i did keep my hand wrapped in tape to keep the big blister from splitting. weeeeeee. i've developed the hugest crush on the spiky-black-haired-pale-skinned-muse-listening-boy that works at our rehearsal space. i can write about him here because i know he will never find it, did i just say never? hmmmm. i mean, hopefully by the time he reads this he will think it's 'cute' and not 'stalkerish' hahahha. anyway. it's so fun to be like this :)

i've made myself a cup of hot choclolate which is damn good and i'm about to start on a new book adventure, well, continuing a book a didn't finish earlier this year called the mission of art by alex grey. he is the most amazing psychedelic painter/artist who paints the energy of people in the most spectacular really should visit his site for a glance if you are not familiar with him - it will make you stare and give you a break from your day, go

i came across his work through ken wilber (who is probably one of the most brilliant men alive today) while studying transpersonal psychology. anyway...i'll recap on that once i get back into it.

jessica and i have decided to live apart come september when we move out of these sublets. i think it best in the end. we live totally different schedules and need to be in different parts of the city. i cannot bear to leave the lower east side, it is too perfect to be right near everyone and everything and a five minute walk to all the bars and clubs i like...and she needs to be on the west side near columbia and where it's, looks like we both still stay in this beautiful city of manhattan, though who knows what we will find in this lovely apartment search (again? i swear i just did this! ha)

i realize my most creative times are at night, after 1030 pm. around 10pm no matter how much sleep i've gotten, i get tired and dozing and want to go to bed. but if i make it past 1030 i catch a second wind and suddenly, as if brought in by the magic fairy of earth night i'm on a roll, awake and coherent and wanting to work on stuff - music, websites, job hunting, etc.

today has been one of the easy days. i got up groggy since i went to bed at 5 and was up at 10 for practice but was bouncing off my own two legs after practice and lunch and wandered around, shopping and looking at people and being happy beyond any measure that i live here. finally, after all these years of thinking and wanting it, i made it here, manhattan. and the shadows still come and the light still shines and i take it all in and just keep breathing. as one of my best friends said so recently 'nothing is what is seems' why worry?


give yourself a big hug, roll over and hug the person next to you. if there's no one there then just beat the pillow (or chair, or air) once and make a wish. anything is possible, but only when you believe it.

oh yeah, let's all just have a moment to appreciate the band called MUSE. i finally got some pics from the show i saw in may before i show hands down without hesitation i have ever seen. it was utter chaos and the biggest blessing to be there. they were beyond out of control in the most beautiful way. and i get to see them next saturday!!! thank you jesus. here you go

Sunday, July 18, 2004

wearing a white tshirt - caught in the rain

dude i do not know where to start

the last 5 days have been insane. me no longer sick, just a little stuffy still which sucks cause i was trying to record shit. but i'm learning that lovely virtue called patience

my sister came for a visit and i never knew how much fun we could have together. we've grown really close in the last year or so and to be able to run amok, go drinking and be boy crazy with her was so fun!!! :)

we had a few memorable evenings which included seeing the rad band MYTVs at arlene's grocery - they rock and are cool guys...check them!!!

that night included jagermeister, boys i don't know acting like they did, making out in a bathroom, meeting about 25 new peeps, handing out fliers for my upcoming show drumming for pink meaet this friday at the luna lounge, eating breakfast at 6am and finally going to bed at 7am. that was just one night. here were our breakfast buddies

jesus it's been a long time since i had that much fun in one night. and oh yeah, how cute are my sister shannon and i???

i had a great realization this week - that i need to stop going after quiet, boring, calm boys. it'll only break me again. compromise is no good. i'm glad i'm over that :) my criteria now is someone who will run down the street screaming with me, not just look on and laugh... :)

our other nights included normal type events for me such as being in a crowded bar with a bunch of retarded people and spoting the one guy i could tell was cool all the way across the room. being in a mood, i walked right over to him and just said hi. and then he was like, you're a burner, you've gone to burning man huh? it was really funny. needless to say it was a fun night with COOL people, not just a drunken lame fest.

other activities included seeing more bands, drinking more, eating SOOO much, hitting up the coney island siren festival to check out death cab for cutie and blonde redhead. but people were all retarded and not respecting the music and it was too crowded so pretty impossible to enjoy.

coney island was a trip, sooo good to see the ocean and put my feet in and walk in sand. it was like a giant freak show carnival, surreal in a really cool kinda way. i ran into the few peeps i knew there though which was crazy...eric is in town and i haven't seen him since MAY! i missed my boy!!!!!!

this is how much he missed me:

hhahaha. we were hanging at his friend's house (MIKE) for his bday...first thing eric does is take that picture. duuuuuuuh

it was fun to talk in shisk language and beat each other up. i'll be stoked when he moves her in september and we can run around spitting 'precious' all the time. it's good not to be the only wierdo alive.

so much more but i think this is enough stimulation for now.

now that i'm better i'll be posting more often again and finally getting the site up. i know i know i'm late!

the demo is coming along. writing some cool guitar parts for my songs which is quite an adventure for me...i didn't know i had that in me.


be good.

listen to MUSE and remember how beautiful the world is...

omg wait how could i have forgotten. today me jessica and shannon went to see king arthur and when we got out it was POURING, like POURING!!! i was wearing a white tshirt and my newfound love of the white bra. yeah. i started dancing and running down the street laughing like i always do in the rain since i am anti unbrella girl. it was damn funny. i was drenched by the time i made it to guitar center to buy sticks and walked in looking like a maniac with my wet hair and clothes and barking 'where are the drums!' i got some pretty funny stares.

hahaha. okay anyway. enough for tonight. whoever is reading this...i miss you! :)



Sunday, July 11, 2004

honey. honey. honey.

i can't sleep

i swear to god! when did i become an insomniac!?

i've been eating raw unfiltered honey today and it's helping me get better. i'm almost healthy again. physically at least.

i can't help it. i'm feeling haunted. memories are creeping in my window. singing in my ear, lauging at my pillow. i keep seeing the kitchen in my last apartment and the love that was had there - the breath on thanksgiving that i'd never though i'd take.

i'm going to be 26 next week and i still feel as emotionally stunted as i did at 13. and 18. and 21.

but i have to keeep going...i only have a few years left...

Thursday, July 8, 2004

grrrrr. arg!

i've gotten sick...booo! throat swollen and stuffy head icky ick. spent most of yesterday in bed. my friend aubrey came in from california so i'm sort of pretending i'm not sick, going out for breakfast and such. lyaing a bit low though. tonight joan wasser is playing with katell keineg and i am stoked!!! been trying to catch joan for a long time now and always miss her by a day or two when i've been out here before. so tonight, me, tonic and a beautiful show. woooooot.

i bought an amp. i couldn't help it. it is what i've been looking for and this guy was moving to texas and getting rid of a lot of gear. it is beautiful, a fender twin reverb, looks like it's abouta '76... check it


the same day i bought the amp i scored two bob dylan records on the street! it felt just like being back in sf. hahaha. i got highway 61 revisited and blonde on blonde. a perfect day i must say.

i've also gotten used to the heat. i mean. i sit in my front room with no air and the sun coming in the window and think, this ain't so bad.

what is happening to me? and i'm writting a lot of slower, country vibe songs. must be the folk music...

the 4th of july...look kids the williamsburg bridge!


so we did venture out to the east river to see fireworks, as you know, i was not so excited.

but whateva. the funiest part of that night was peeking into the luna lounge to see this band called blame hound. the lead singer had been running around the street asking people to come and since i live right there i thought why not. it was pretty damn funny. the guy was so excited he came over and gave me a kiss and when jessica arrived he took her for a spin on the floor before kissing her and running back on stage. it was pretty much staged arena rock and highly uninspiring but very fun so...that's that.

oh yeah, here they are

that's about all i can handle for now. off to rest before i head off to eat macrobiotic yumminess with taly. weeeee.



Sunday, July 4, 2004

words are not secrets

4th of july. so uninspired. listening to nirvana all day, the unplugged album, never noticed how simply beautiful the songs were.

it's 1120pm and i'm drinking coffee and eating cookies. we waltzed over to the east river tonight to catch some fireworks. i don't get it. exploding lights in the sky and i'm supposed to feel patriotic? it only amplified my disgust with the world and our inability to vocalize our true feelings because we are all tied to some source of artificial light. music is the only weight that can pull me out of this state.

i've been spending lots of time in my front room sitting with my stereo, finally able to play loud music now that i'm out of my psychiatric ward of an apartment in the marina in san francisco :) the sounds filter into me individually. i am hearing things i've never heard before.

i got the latest devendra banhart. i don't get all his comparisons to tim buckley. he sounds like nick drake but without the depression and with that a lack of heart felt depth or pained emotion. if a man is going to sit with an acoustic guitar and weep and whisper, i at least want to cry over such luck here. but there is still something lovable about the album

i've got bright eyes on right now. his songs have been creeping into my system more and more as of late. Something intimate and vulnerable about him that i need right now.

it's time to go. there is a draft of air coming up from the street that smells like piss. that sucks. oh yeah. new york is rubbing off on me. after the millionth lame man commenting at me this evening i was so fed up that i actually yelled 'fuck you' at someone and stormed off. i've not really done that before and i can see it happening more in that future. wish me luck.

god i love this city

god bless you and your crippled heart.



Saturday, July 3, 2004

in all fairness - the ridiculous.

okay. so. where to begin...i have been drawn into the world of pastels. black is no longer an option and i'm determined to blame the heat for this change in my being. what other logical explanation could there be? here is proof of my debase behavior:

now...moving on to last night. had first practice since i've been back with pink meat, just me taly and lisa. it was goodness. i cracked another stick and we have three news songs that are coming along and i must reveal, sound a lot like hard hitting slow-metal songs. it's pretty rad. after sweating like a monkey in funkadelic studios we headed out to l'express where we feasted and drank to celebrate being in one city together, again, finally and that lisa got employee of the month, again and had lots of money to spend :) i love my girls. taly went home and lisa and i found her friend who works at a bar where we proceeded to get free drinks which are always the best then had an impromptu photo shoot in the 14th street subway station (yes i am still obsessed with photos, you will see, it only gets worse...)

i took the f line home and decided to walk a few extra blocks and go around my street so i could be out an about with the full moon. then i decided i needed another cigarette. i think it's about 11pm at this time. i spot 4 or 5 men standing around an underground stairway thing and ask for a light. they don't have one but someone wants a cigarette so i proceed to share the cigs and find hidden matches in my purse. they start singing zeppelin songs (four sticks) since i am carrying my two pairs of sticks still from practice. find out all these guys are in bands and then proceed to peg each of them for their band role immediately. the singer had singer hair! he was mick jagger pretty much. after that funnny moment the guys inform me they are going to some rock bar in the east village and that i am coming. with my sticks in tow we head out. i'm suddenly wandering with a group of men that only continues to get bigger as we walk. people are coming out of the woodworks until we have a full blown posse. i've got a guy with a cane rapping and spitting and trying to hold my hand. some guy from ghana that keeps asking me if he can come see my apartment and every other person i meet asking me if i play drums. i finally answer, 'no i just carry them around'. we roam. trash is too much of a pain in the ass to get into, they are being idiots so we start yelling and getting loud and leave to go to boa on 11th/a where we drink more, laugh more and start playing drums on barstools

you know life is good when coincidence/fate hits you in the face. i must admit that yesterday afternoon before heading out for practice i was listening to the velvet teen. i haven't listened to those guys in over a year, or longer. anyway i had radiapathy on repeat for a while. now, i'm telling you this because as i'm sitting in this bar last night, sometime around 230am what other than the velvet teen radiapathy comes on?!?! i ran around asking if anyone knew who it was but no one had heard of them. the bartender who kept changing the cd's didn't know either so it was just completely random. i love moments like that.

i don't have any pics of me in my moment of excitement but i have some funny ones taken right before i decided it was time to take my ass home sometime around 3am. the guy in the blue shirt is in a band called my tvs and i'll be checking them out at arlene's grocery on july 18th (i think that's the date...). wooot.

i woke up at 9am cause it was too hot to sleep. but after waking up jessica and talking for close to an hour i decided i was too delirious to be awake, convinced myself that is was not soooo hot after all and managed to fall asleep for another two hours.


okay i'd detail more things that i did today but i fear i'm boring you.


i'm pretty much sitting in my front room right now listening to death cab wondering how to bust out of this musicians' writers block. there is a fear of doing that i can't get past today. the gorge between my heart and my head is quite gaping this afternoon. i'm going to turn up the music louder and have another glass of wine. what else is there to do?



Thursday, July 1, 2004

uh oh. Oh no. really...

okay. should i be scared? i couldn't wear black yesterday. not for lack of black clothing. or because it was hot. i just could not do it...i had my favorite black t-shirt in hand, was about to put it on, and then i stopped. i wanted to wear green. but alas i have no green t-shirt. so i had to go with white. something is oh so wrong. but i suppose it's not tragic...


fuck the sun was beautiful yesterday. i almost blinded myself taking pictures. check it out though...this is on the way to mulberry street:

who needs closets??? not ME!!! i rearranged the bins that belong to ellen (it's her apartment i'm staying in) and made a makeshift dresser. beauty. everything has a home, even if it's an odd one. i have a small alter on my bathtub and my shoes go under the tub/kitchen sink...speaking of which. the sink is really my favorite thing, an invention of beauty really. especially when you only have ONE in the apartment. what is it used for? lovingly does it give me water for my morning coffee. happily does it clean my fruit and veggies before eating them. with jubilance do i brush my teeth and wash my face in the am and pm and with unexpected vigor do i wash my city dirtied feet every evening before slipping them into my china-town-new red slippers. who knew a sink would be so very loved?? i know i keep promising pictures of my place to many of you. they are coming...honest. i'm trying to keep you interested. tomorrow perhaps.

tuesday night i went to arlene's grocery. now, for those of you that don't know, i have a small (did i really say SMALL!) obsession with the clubs/venues in nyc. for um, a reason that i don't want to disclose. if you don't know, then, i have a framed picture of arlene's grocery, i've had it for years along with pic of other places such as sin-e, the living room and the mercury lounge...and to be able to walk 35 seconds to this club brings me such joy i'm not even sure that it is real :)

anyway; i went to check out this band called manifold. i had talked to them many times when i lived in sf and was into booking. i never did book them but they did play a show with my boys four minute mile ( back at kimo's many months ago. it's always a kick to see bands i know playing so far away from home (they are from arizona). in any case, i was glad to be there and support them for their first nyc show, though they seemed a bit dismayed at the late night show that was pretty much empty...but here's a pic at least...

in more exciting news. shit, i saw katell keineg last night. this woman has a voice to start fires with. etheral and folky, she exuded an aura of dry ice. she seemed fully in her element, connecting with the audience with long stares and howls and high pitched tones that licked your skin. she even sang some traditional irish song for her recently deceased grandfather. yeah, and i cried. but it was goddamned beautiful. you should really investigate this woman if you are into that kinda thing. guitar playing nothing but some simple strumming arrangements, but the voice, the voice the voice....yes!

here she is:

okay have i ranted enough yet?

i enabled comments so now you can write me obscene messages and bring your piece of bread to the table

i really should be off to drink more coffee and play guitar and try to find out where to go equipment shopping in this city. i really want to buy a bassssssssssssssss. grrrrrrrrrrr. rargh rargh rargh.

okay bellas. be good. to your self and others if you feel like it.





oh yeah one more thing! in keeping with my love of social commentary graffiti...check out this great wall art. thought you would love this