bliss [aka, the ny deli]

it's time to revisit this subject.
the new york city deli.
and what men do with eggs and cheese.
i'm not even a big fan of eggs. i rarely eat them but on morning like today [read: little sleep for 3 weeks straight now, coming off a best friend visit, a sister in town and two nights with shiny toy guns....] eggs and cheese and katsup and strong ethiopian coffee from porto rico imports [a reason for living] is much needed.
hallelujah. praise new york. these seemingly small things are entirely NOT over-rated. that i can stumble over to the deli and pay $2 for such a delectable life changing breakfast...well it just kinda makes me feel like the luckiest california transplant ever. i love you nyc. woot.

xokg.

bjork. [lullabies for ravers]

madison square garden. last night. bjork. i cried within 30 seconds of her being on stage. [that voice...] unbelievable. it was pretty much a greatest hits concert. she played almost 2 hours and only sang 4 songs from the new album. hyperballad was stunning and then remixed at the end. a full on rave song. i have never heard a love song so amazingly danceable. what a beautiful precious honest soul. my dear sister must thinks me crazy crying the whole show but that's what happens when i hear a voice such as that. thank you atlantic for the tickets. thank you shannon for gettin em gratis last minute for us. made my life, kinda. [sorry i had to miss your show mr. armata]

oh and the unexpected highlight? antony coming out to sing a duet with her. i adore him and have never even really seen a picture of this man. unfortunately his back was too us and he kinda hobbled out all hunched over, sang in the shadows of the stage then stumbled away before i could catch a glimpse. oh but his voice. heaven. thank you.

as for this morning. well. let's just say central park and coldplay [yes insert witty gay comment here, but it was parachutes so is that joke really applicable???] there's a song that i used to curl up to on repeat about 2.5 years ago. it was the most hopeful comforting beautiful song ever. what magic to play it today and stand in front of a sun reflected pond in central park. it was a moment when i stepped outside of myself and let be all the drama that's circling at the moment and just dive in. dive in to emotion and sensations grander than myself. that's the only way to explain it. and today i know i've been let go again. and maybe, just maybe this time, it's me who is ready for it. i sure hope so. if not, i will always have my songs.

pretty pretty. [i'll see you soon...]


So you lost your trust
And you never should have
No,you never should have
But don't break your back
If you ever see this
But don't answer that
In a bullet proof vest
With the windows all closed
I'll be doing my best
I'll see you soon
In a telescope lens
And when all you want is friends
I'll see you soon

So they came for you
They came snapping at your heels
They come snapping at your heels
But don't break your back
If you ever say this
But don't answer that

Ina bullet proof vest
With the windows all closed
I'll be doing my best
And I'll see you soon

In a telescope lens
And when all you want is friends
I'll see you soon


you lost your trust
you lost your trust
don't lose your trust
you lost your trust

::coldplay - i'll see you soon::

ps.

[i can't wait much longer]

death [rebirth] and longing.

i cannot hide anymore. death traps tapping my window. asking for audience. laughing in wonder at the jump my heart takes to be near you.
witness a slow rebirth. the momentum of memories carrying me towards you. burrowing deeply into the earth. no longer waiting. no longer longing. just standing still in such movement. standing amid the chaos. demanding order and contracting with god and demons. angels and omens. all so that i may save myself. from the destruction. that's sure to come. when i say i love you. again. and again. and again.

grieving.

there are no phases of regret
merely repression
of emotion
singeing my hair
in anticipation of approach.
what avalanche can withstand such love?
when you have witness my demise
and my pursuit of distance.
when you have stung the only memory
that would keep me from you.
i can only sing a song in silence.
grieving for you
with words you'll never know.

bruised knees and sock puppets

random? yes. so here you go:

tired. and why? i spent at least 1.5 days in bed this weekend and i'm still just not with it.
3am bedtimes? why are you failing me?

my knees are extremely bruised. apparently bicycles locked to scaffolding are extremely dangerous. stay away. girl fall down go boom.

meridith likes socks. james likes to put makeup on them. call them simone. and make them sing 'ne me quitte pas'. any questions why i'm friends with these people? that's what i thought.

i like to play with our sock puppet simone while meridith sleeps and watch showtime original series. i love meridiths loft. and blueberry beer. and dummy drunks who think moving to los angeles is cool. doods. your $10k/month house on the beach is not going to magnetize every cool person in lala land to you. but it's a funny idea. good luck.

hmmmmmm.
dear brain
please work soon
or teleport me to the nearest bed
canal and mercer is NOT that far.

love you. don't wanna be on you. my girlfriends and one diva rule. amazing brunch. daniel thank you for cooking up a storm and breakin in the apartment kitchen. michael thanks for showing up in a suit for all of 3.5 minutes to drop of champagne. val. 4 days mamma. then you are mine. i love you.


xokg.