Tuesday, May 29, 2007
jeff buckley.
it's your day. we lost you. and i love you. forever. for giving the gift of song and voice and presence. for caring. for standing.for movement. and now i am in nyc. and everywhere there are moments of you. tonight at vasmay me and jesse and meridith had a shot of jagermeister for you. and then i found lizzy who had words of you also. the synchronicity has not stopped and i will not either. i love today. all ways. xokg.
Monday, May 28, 2007
conor - thank you (yes, god loves me)
it's true. it was a night. let's recap, girl meets boy. boy has a show and girl attends. girl by some random coincidence meets man. man knows bright eyes. man takes girl to show.
enter tonight.
connor is playing 7 sold out nights at town hall. which is an amazing venue. full of light and bright music and simple sincerity. somehow the trend seems to be i only get to see bands i like with an all access pass
in any case. when i arrived. conor was writing the set list in the back. his girlfriend was familiar. at the end of the night on the subway home after lee kept mentioning 'maria, connor's girlfriend' i was like waaaa wait a minute. she looked familiar and she is in a band i know.and then it came. yep. she is half of azure ray. half of the song 'displaced'. half of a moment of heaven. thank you for that.
gillian welch was beautiful. just a gorgeous laid back woman of interest and song.
to see her set first row center on the balcony was another blessing. to go backstage and fill up on wine was another ;).
and then bright eyes came. all 12 of them. visuals included an etch a sketch, bouncing balls in a pyrex dish, and blowing red bubbles in a glass. connor looked just like jack white which was kinda freaky. no more emo kid with hair in his face. he's 27 and all grown up. he's compared to dylan and it's not hard to imagine why. he sings in a voice carved in emotion and youth. in experience and innocence. he brings the soul to light in a way few performers can. sharing an experience while delving headlong into it. his band of strings, drums, horns and woodwinds almost overwhelmed him at times...but then would shake up the sound just enough to keep you wondering what would fall next. it was absolutely fucking beautiful.
now let's have another moment. now. honestly i've never been a fan of riloy kiley. sorry. but literally one week ago i was taking the long subway ride home and somehow happened upon jenny lewis and the watson twins. this song came on and it brought me to tears. it brought me a moment : melt your heart. so this evening, before the show started i think i hear conor say 'yeah melt your heart'. oh he must be covering jenny lewis, cool, i think. i get out to my seat and lee says awe i think i saw jenny lewis backstage, you can meet her later. whu? oh...okay universe, i see. you wanna play?
sure enough. halfway through the set she comes out and they sing 'melt your heart'. what the fuck are the odds of that??? okay god. i'm listening. thank you thank you thank you . this is a beautiful night. a ridiculous how. and a reminder that all that i need is appearing and all that i need to know is in my hands. everything i need to make my dreams come true is not to be found but to be experienced. because it is happening now.
show is almost over. it's time for the encore. by this point i realize i need to catch up on the material because there are some amazingly beautiful songs i do not know but now are floating through me...don't be so amazing, it pains me....and more songs on war and the rapture...:)
i get to stand on the stage for the encore. i get to stand on stage next to the drum kit and sound man while i hear conor oberst sing 'lua'. 'i know that it is freezing but i think we have to walk. i keep waving at the taxies they keep turning their lights off...i know you have a heavy heart. i can feel it when we kiss. and many men stronger than me have thrown their back out trying to lift it...' i just. that was it. it was awesome. to look out at this crowd of thousands and be a part of such a night. and know...that...this is real....thank you
backstage. more wine. and no i was not hallucinating. i did see ben gibbard earlier backstage. so i introduced myself. i really should have thrown myself down on the ground and kissed his feet, thanking him for writing 'transatlanticism' and saving my life for about 1.5 years but...next time.
lee? you rule.
the walk out was the best part...hahahhahahaha
what a fucking night.
what a fucking show.
thank you thank you thank you.
and i am on my way. inspired. tuned in. alive.
xoxo.kg.
enter tonight.
connor is playing 7 sold out nights at town hall. which is an amazing venue. full of light and bright music and simple sincerity. somehow the trend seems to be i only get to see bands i like with an all access pass
in any case. when i arrived. conor was writing the set list in the back. his girlfriend was familiar. at the end of the night on the subway home after lee kept mentioning 'maria, connor's girlfriend' i was like waaaa wait a minute. she looked familiar and she is in a band i know.and then it came. yep. she is half of azure ray. half of the song 'displaced'. half of a moment of heaven. thank you for that.
gillian welch was beautiful. just a gorgeous laid back woman of interest and song.
to see her set first row center on the balcony was another blessing. to go backstage and fill up on wine was another ;).
and then bright eyes came. all 12 of them. visuals included an etch a sketch, bouncing balls in a pyrex dish, and blowing red bubbles in a glass. connor looked just like jack white which was kinda freaky. no more emo kid with hair in his face. he's 27 and all grown up. he's compared to dylan and it's not hard to imagine why. he sings in a voice carved in emotion and youth. in experience and innocence. he brings the soul to light in a way few performers can. sharing an experience while delving headlong into it. his band of strings, drums, horns and woodwinds almost overwhelmed him at times...but then would shake up the sound just enough to keep you wondering what would fall next. it was absolutely fucking beautiful.
now let's have another moment. now. honestly i've never been a fan of riloy kiley. sorry. but literally one week ago i was taking the long subway ride home and somehow happened upon jenny lewis and the watson twins. this song came on and it brought me to tears. it brought me a moment : melt your heart. so this evening, before the show started i think i hear conor say 'yeah melt your heart'. oh he must be covering jenny lewis, cool, i think. i get out to my seat and lee says awe i think i saw jenny lewis backstage, you can meet her later. whu? oh...okay universe, i see. you wanna play?
sure enough. halfway through the set she comes out and they sing 'melt your heart'. what the fuck are the odds of that??? okay god. i'm listening. thank you thank you thank you . this is a beautiful night. a ridiculous how. and a reminder that all that i need is appearing and all that i need to know is in my hands. everything i need to make my dreams come true is not to be found but to be experienced. because it is happening now.
show is almost over. it's time for the encore. by this point i realize i need to catch up on the material because there are some amazingly beautiful songs i do not know but now are floating through me...don't be so amazing, it pains me....and more songs on war and the rapture...:)
i get to stand on the stage for the encore. i get to stand on stage next to the drum kit and sound man while i hear conor oberst sing 'lua'. 'i know that it is freezing but i think we have to walk. i keep waving at the taxies they keep turning their lights off...i know you have a heavy heart. i can feel it when we kiss. and many men stronger than me have thrown their back out trying to lift it...' i just. that was it. it was awesome. to look out at this crowd of thousands and be a part of such a night. and know...that...this is real....thank you
backstage. more wine. and no i was not hallucinating. i did see ben gibbard earlier backstage. so i introduced myself. i really should have thrown myself down on the ground and kissed his feet, thanking him for writing 'transatlanticism' and saving my life for about 1.5 years but...next time.
lee? you rule.
the walk out was the best part...hahahhahahaha
what a fucking night.
what a fucking show.
thank you thank you thank you.
and i am on my way. inspired. tuned in. alive.
xoxo.kg.
pablo neruda
he speaks. the heart listens. and for just a moment i remember i am not alone. i'm sure i'll forget again. but i've got a bottle of merlot open. and a concert to go to...and i will keep running. for now his poem. to remind me to remember. that words bring comfort. again and again and again. :) thank you thank you thank you :::
____________________________________________
I can write the saddest poem of all tonight.
Write, for instance: "The night is full of stars,
and the stars, blue, shiver in the distance."
The night wind whirls in the sky and sings.
I can write the saddest poem of all tonight.
I loved her, and sometimes she loved me too.
On nights like this, I held her in my arms.
I kissed her so many times under the infinite sky.
She loved me, sometimes I loved her.
How could I not have loved her large, still eyes?
I can write the saddest poem of all tonight.
To think I don't have her. To feel that I've lost her.
To hear the immense night, more immense without her.
And the poem falls to the soul as dew to grass.
What does it matter that my love couldn't keep her.
The night is full of stars and she is not with me.
That's all. Far away, someone sings. Far away.
My soul is lost without her.
As if to bring her near, my eyes search for her.
My heart searches for her and she is not with me.
The same night that whitens the same trees.
We, we who were, we are the same no longer.
I no longer love her, true, but how much I loved her.
My voice searched the wind to touch her ear.
Someone else's. She will be someone else's. As she once
belonged to my kisses.
Her voice, her light body. Her infinite eyes.
I no longer love her, true, but perhaps I love her.
Love is so short and oblivion so long.
Because on nights like this I held her in my arms,
my soul is lost without her.
Although this may be the last pain she causes me,
and this may be the last poem I write for her.
-- Pablo Neruda
____________________________________________
I can write the saddest poem of all tonight.
Write, for instance: "The night is full of stars,
and the stars, blue, shiver in the distance."
The night wind whirls in the sky and sings.
I can write the saddest poem of all tonight.
I loved her, and sometimes she loved me too.
On nights like this, I held her in my arms.
I kissed her so many times under the infinite sky.
She loved me, sometimes I loved her.
How could I not have loved her large, still eyes?
I can write the saddest poem of all tonight.
To think I don't have her. To feel that I've lost her.
To hear the immense night, more immense without her.
And the poem falls to the soul as dew to grass.
What does it matter that my love couldn't keep her.
The night is full of stars and she is not with me.
That's all. Far away, someone sings. Far away.
My soul is lost without her.
As if to bring her near, my eyes search for her.
My heart searches for her and she is not with me.
The same night that whitens the same trees.
We, we who were, we are the same no longer.
I no longer love her, true, but how much I loved her.
My voice searched the wind to touch her ear.
Someone else's. She will be someone else's. As she once
belonged to my kisses.
Her voice, her light body. Her infinite eyes.
I no longer love her, true, but perhaps I love her.
Love is so short and oblivion so long.
Because on nights like this I held her in my arms,
my soul is lost without her.
Although this may be the last pain she causes me,
and this may be the last poem I write for her.
-- Pablo Neruda
Friday, May 25, 2007
warning sign : danger
I should come with a warning sign: danger – do not remove from manhattan. the static comes. the volume goes down. the echoes never end. when I’m not home the spaces in my heart scream so loud it drowns out the color. when I touch back down I am amplified and every possibility and thought of passion takes a hold and charges ahead. comfort brought by simply being. by stepping softly. by running swiftly. worry dissipates. hysteria is vanquished. all that exists is this possibility, this energy that is home. the sheer volume of feet and eyes that have penetrated this city, owned it , built it, created within it, from it, passed through it…all of this is held here. all of this brings warmth and kindles a relationship to the city that no other place can ever hope to touch. new york city I love you. you are my forever love.
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
god
i'm tired of crying over false gods. and infinite pretext. of satiated thoughts and love that comes in waves only to crash into me and push me back. falling into myself. where no one can see. where only one witness can collapse. and his door has closed. and i come running. feet first. laughing. disturbing the peace. waiting for no thing and asking for grievances to repent again and again and again. because i can see. because the wolves have come. because he sits silent and asks for forgiveness that only i can give. and so i take from myself. and i pass it along. and i wait. and i wait. and i wait. and i love. and it might not ever come. but i love. and i love. and i love.
forgiveness
there is hardly truth in recognition
there is barely skin to singe
there is obscenity
obscurity
and lifeless adventure
there are eyes closed
and chest lifted
and safety in beds
no longer absent minded
no longer closed heart
now mending
now shifting
now forgiving
everyone
but me.
there is barely skin to singe
there is obscenity
obscurity
and lifeless adventure
there are eyes closed
and chest lifted
and safety in beds
no longer absent minded
no longer closed heart
now mending
now shifting
now forgiving
everyone
but me.
Monday, May 21, 2007
sound...
sound is similar between you. thoughts and navigation. tales and taller still. yet fascination can only hold so much and then faces must return. reality must bite skin and regroup. one step two she says she says. and i have gone ahead.
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