it's not.

you all may think it's a joke.
highly dramatic.
silly even.
but it's not.
it's just a good thing i'm afraid of heights.

sunday facts. 02.10.08.

tonight it is going to be 12 degrees.
i have only seen it snow once since i moved to nyc [last april].
today my friends are going to win a grammy.
i am filled with awe and respect and joy for them. it has been quite the journey seeing their success in the past year and nine months.
i am unable to leave my house.
the wind threatens me.
the face of friends i am unable to meet...
i would like the shelter of limbs but there are none.
only sounds of chords and voices.
echoes of my own.
warmth from the heater that never turns off in winter.
regret that punctures my soul.
joy. that i've finally learned to be patient.
hope.
that i will make it through this.
ecstatic.
that i am so close, steps away really, from living the life i came here to live.
let
it
be.
enough for now.


xoxokg.

antony.

this is one of the most beautiful, heartfelt, gut-wrenching, painful, exquisite, honest and stunning songs i have every heard. it has graced my life repeatedly these past few years. this showing of it will bring you life. please watch it.



thank you antony. can't wait for your new album this year.........

xoxokg.

first snow.

a matter of redemption.
a space eating heart attack.
a head that finds escape in unlikely places.
a whole resting matter of guilt and shame released into this.
sin lifting in unending grace.
respite whistling between my teeth.
reasons to be beautiful.
anchors without ocean.
pain without suffering.
understanding in my feet.
love unbound and tied around my throat.
waging war with a song.
half listening with the eyes.
nodding in agreement with every space inside me.
holding close the intention you can feel but have never heard.
deciding that freedom will win out in the end.
that love holds no loss.
that it is holding onto every-little-thing.
enough.enough.enough. [for now]

truth.

truth becomes spacious. words exit silence and enter dream. anticipating reality. forcing reconciliation in the heart and mind. matter over meter. lust dissolving desire and retiring into warmth. into arms that reach across oceans. into space that is filled with thought and reaction to this emotion. that only separates us...for a moment.

patience. inexplicable. returning you. to me.

xokg.

editors. [why live music should change your life.]

now and then again you see a show that more than entertains. it more than surprises. it offers a gift and moments of peace. wonder that holds space for the self. the editors last night at terminal 5 was one of these. it ranks right up there with muse at popscene, radiohead at the santa barbara bowl and pj harvey solo at beacon theatre. never have i seen a band been so musically entertaining and solid while remaining engaged in soul-baring intimacy. i was already in love with the songs from listening to their two albums...to have the live show so far surpass what is already a brilliant collection of songs was just utterly amazing.

from the first song, bones, it was hard to look at anything other than tom, the lead singer/guitarist. he came on stage with the power to define and direct the heart in an instant. humble and engaged, explosive and sincere, all in a moment. every movement an impulse, an extension of sound, the songs being limbs, pieces of this band, the sounds of their life.

tom was always scanning the crowd with wide eyes and outstretched hands, often jumping onto the piano and then swapping guitar for keys mid-song. his energy was an invitation. the band moved in support of him, remaining in the shadows, creating the sound-scapes for sound and space, singer and song to play in.

the surprise song of the night was a b-side i'd never heard which was stunning. it's called you are fading and you should get into it and go get it for yourself. right now. go on...'i'll loose this i always have, i always let you down...you are fading, slowly drifting off to sleep'

i must mention lights...i've never truly seen a lighting design that was of any real import at a show. the editors...well they nailed it. the mood was uplifted and dramatized with every change...bringing the choruses to life visually and audibly...most perfectly executed on 'escape from the nest'. it was freakin brilliant. bring it on lighting designer, you rule!


it appears these guys have been on the stage together for a very long time. wide smiles and thumbs up to the crowd after each song [is this a british thing?] there was not one move out of place. not one moment lacking emotion. i was never tempted to look away. i was never left alone. all of this beauty...and even though my two absolute favorite songs off the album were not even played [well worn hand and put your head towards the air]...i thank you. for bringing life to rock and for the engaged intimacy that is so often lacking from live shows these days. refreshing doesn't even begin to cover it. don't miss this band. travel however far you must to see them. it's all that you need...a moment. a gift.

xokg.

ps. it's worth mentioning that hot hot heat rules at life. i love these kids. i remember the first time i heard them. i saw the video for bandages on mtv at some obscene hour in the morning. i pretty much thought it was the worst song i had ever heard. the guy just kept repeating 'bandages, bandages, bandages' and he was all wrapped up in, yeah...bandages. wtf? for some strange reason i ended up getting some of their music. yes it was because that song i thought i hated was stuck in my head and wouldn't get out and i wanted redemption that perhaps they had some other songs i would like. hell yeah. talk to me, dance with me RULES [you are my only girl but you're not my owner girl!]. but also let's discuss bandages because pretty much...the verses of that song are just bloody brilliant: 'i've been poking a voodoo doll that you do not know i made, of you, for you, let's see what needles do...i've been thinking i've been drinking too many drinks all by myself...' i mean, come on. so yeah, they rule and seeing them open last night ruled too. once again, much ruling in nyc going on. thanks guys.

miracles.

weightless. silent. the scent of freedom ringing in cells...abandoned, in regrettable fashion. an episode of faith and fear. a new way to remember. all hope in forgetting. and fascination. endless. in the moments that arrive to save a life again and again and again. the mysteries of today calming my skin. stalling walls with such ease. tonight i see the editors. i get to feel the senses of god fall into me.

'you touch my face...god whispers in my ear...there are tears in my eyes...love replaces fear'

- the weight of the world [editors]