i have a special talent. ok, perhaps many special talents. but one in particular is falling down. usually flat on my face. and for no apparent reason. (let's just say parked bicycles and i are not friends.) i've been limping along since a 1am subway encounter. you see it was just me and 3 clowns (clown #2, shorty and val kilmer). one small leap onto the j train. a lil bit of water. and well. now i have a knee cap the size of florida and arm bruises as parting gifts from subway poles. oh dear. ok. let's get on with the story.
sunday funday. i think yesterday we were on round 9? sister time. sibling time. new friend time. brunch and bar food and football. did i mention tequila? i blame christian. dang allergies. our standard sunday affair was in full swing. navani and dakin made it out. swooning. we all pretended to know something about football but after obviously failing (i think we shouted out team names for baseball instead of football?!)...we manifested some cards for our favorite round of 3-13. now, let me just get right to the point. past the beers and the shots and the food and the fun. let me tell you why i'm really here right now writing to you. because i'm pretty sure this would only happen to me. and i'm pretty sure i had about 4 witnesses. at least. so don't go telling me i'm exaggerating. or making shite up. or just plain crazy. or even creepy. cause outta nowhere. this really happened. are you ready?
a 5 year old was flirting with me.
now don't laugh. and don't you dare think i started this. i thought for sure i was hallucinating. so i asked sol to spy out of the corner of his eye. and dakin to watch in the mirror on the wall. there was some definite eyebrow raising. you know the kind i'm talking about. the wow-wa-wee-wa come hither move they do in the movies - kinda as a joke. i was sure i imagined it. until it happened again. and then he giggled. and then he leaned over to his father and spoke to him and pointed at me and it appeared he was getting some coaching. and then around the corner of the other barstool what appeared to be his older (12 year old?) brother was peaking at me. what the? ok. move on. that was funny i coulda laughed it off and ignored...if it had stopped there. as sol and i performed our usual shenanigans of laughing too loud and being obnoxious, this kid actually glared at sol! and ROLLED HIS EYES!!!!? convinced i too had imagined that i playfully pretended to slap sol to see what he would do......ummm. i'm not sure how to even say this. but. he gave me a thumbs up!? yes. people. this is true. this really happened. by this point everyone is trying to spy and see what he'll do next. scowling. eyebrow winking. dad coaching. thumbs up coercing. what next? this kid is gonna be quite the womanizer. you've been warned. and i really don't want to talk about how he threw himself up against the glass window as he was about to leave the bar. yes i said bar. and yes i swear to jebus he was 5. and he was with his parents. i'm scared. and now i'm embarrassed. next.
we left. we split up. i ended up with the boys. not THAT boy. MY boys. quelle suprise. by this point in time christian is about done for. but then he goes and orders tequila sunrises?! what the? oh and thanks dakin for chaperoning me in the bathroom. i was definitely afraid to go. let alone touch anything at the boiler room. hmmmmmmmmm. that was short lived. we couldn't convince christian to go hooka with us. lay. doc holiday's we love you. and meridith even more. so there we went. i am always amazed at how i still manage to find new things at this bar. it's like a treasure hunt for freaky people. for instance. exhibit a: there is a stuffed deer head mounted on the wall. seeing as how i have never sat anywhere but the bar i never noticed it before. i'm glad we were able to convince dakin NOT to make out with it. close. very close. thank god for my camera. there was dancing. and garth brooks loving. and lots of grabbing (i won't say what) and at some point i was in a falling barchair fighting off kisses and then saved midflight from crashing to the ground AGAIN. this time it was not my fault. i don't think. i dunno anymore. i plead the 5. or erroneous. or contempt. or preposterous.
i really need to learn some new legal terms. ok. that's all for now.
ps. clown camp nyc was in effect over the weekend. nashville came. saw. and conquered. pics soon.
tonight? nkotb. with sissy. watch out.
xoxokg.
Monday, October 27, 2008
Friday, September 26, 2008
स्कारेड तो ब्लॉग [i'm scared to blog]
ok kids. listen up. i'm scared to blog because i most likely will incriminate myself. first of all. here he his.
i have somehow developed a micro-cosmic attachment to this man. don't worry. the feeling's mutual. what the?? HA. i heart all over his mom's face. take that clown.
now i'm not quite sure how to discuss last night without totally a) upsetting people b) being not-so-nice-and-that's-not-like-me or c) oh i dunno but there probably should be a c
ok.
you want a list? sure you do. my brain can't really form very long sentences right now anyway. ok here goes. to all my 'friends' [;)] that convinced me this was a good idea? a nice little experiment? healthy? NIET. reasons why:
* 9th and a
that's all i'm going to say. 9th and a. i don't know the address. i do not have the address. no no no. it's 9th and a. the first test = failed. NIET.
* jameson. and vodka. and beer.
if you do not like at least one of the above - NIET.
* if you wanted to interview me you shoulda asked. i am not applying for whatever job you're offering anyway. NIET.
* hi. word of warning. i am tall. like monster sized tall. if you cannot control your staring and your head actually moving up and down as you take a look....NIET
* if you can't believe in dreams but settle for what's 'realistic' - NIET
and one final and very poignant reason. and my personal favorite:
* i'm not so sure i'm into confused bisexual go-go dancing police officers. but hey you never know, right? NIET.
i have somehow developed a micro-cosmic attachment to this man. don't worry. the feeling's mutual. what the?? HA. i heart all over his mom's face. take that clown.
now i'm not quite sure how to discuss last night without totally a) upsetting people b) being not-so-nice-and-that's-not-like-me or c) oh i dunno but there probably should be a c
ok.
you want a list? sure you do. my brain can't really form very long sentences right now anyway. ok here goes. to all my 'friends' [;)] that convinced me this was a good idea? a nice little experiment? healthy? NIET. reasons why:
* 9th and a
that's all i'm going to say. 9th and a. i don't know the address. i do not have the address. no no no. it's 9th and a. the first test = failed. NIET.
* jameson. and vodka. and beer.
if you do not like at least one of the above - NIET.
* if you wanted to interview me you shoulda asked. i am not applying for whatever job you're offering anyway. NIET.
* hi. word of warning. i am tall. like monster sized tall. if you cannot control your staring and your head actually moving up and down as you take a look....NIET
* if you can't believe in dreams but settle for what's 'realistic' - NIET
and one final and very poignant reason. and my personal favorite:
* i'm not so sure i'm into confused bisexual go-go dancing police officers. but hey you never know, right? NIET.
Thursday, September 18, 2008
dreams.
dreams that decide how to stretch.
bare bones and open palms.
reaching for abundance.
curse the distant waves that
can only come closer
waiting for the lesser known
fate of a face to release
to return
to find solace
and carry it
bright on his back
and place it
warily
at my feet.
bare bones and open palms.
reaching for abundance.
curse the distant waves that
can only come closer
waiting for the lesser known
fate of a face to release
to return
to find solace
and carry it
bright on his back
and place it
warily
at my feet.
Monday, September 15, 2008
only in nyc can you have this much fun! [and this is what it is]
chi-town invasion?
family reunion?
spider monkey al quieda ninja clown parades?
check. all of the above.
cast of characters:
sol
christian
mili
greg
tommie sunshine
daddy devine
karem
locke
tanya
chris
noel
grampa (alex)
5 nights. wed-sun. and this is how it goes.
extra curricular activities:
night 1: sushi with mili and greg. dj and dancing at the annex.
night 2: best thai food in nyc at pukk. wine and the ericksons at rockwood with grampa clown. meet christian and sol at docs for family reunion time. wander to 'pick up mili' at hookah bar on 3rd where locke is playing. end up falling into the hookah vortex, drinking beer, sol and i edward cullen-ing ourselves with watermelon double apple sweetness all night! being introduced as a famous singer. dancing skulls. fire breathing. managing to leave and head back to doc holidays. deciding we love hookah bars - who knew? home.
night 3: more sushi. delirious. ditching goldfrapp. rockwood again with mouth 'sneezing' wine. excellent singer songwriter. meander back to hookah bar with loads of wine. migrate to bowery electric to find daddy devine and greg. largest clown parade ever head to annex for a bottle and asking the very obvious question - why are we still out? cab home for edward cullen time.
night 4: ummmmm oh dear. roll outta bed. fling into east village for brunch at the heavenly paprika. business meeting with grampa clown (alex), christian and sol. come up with pretty much the best idea EVER that is going to catapult soooooooo much...just you wait and see. head to dumbo to retrieve concert tickets. take my red skirt and black vested almost x-rated self to meet sol and see in flight radio at irving plaza. rah-rah. bolt. pick up christian. subway to brooklyn. get lost and wander while boys joke that we are going to get shot and upset me by reminding me i live in brooklyn. find the bar. find tanya. eat tasteless burgers. enjoy blueberry beer. entertain ourselves with noel. chris shows up. ummmmmmmmm. [insert censored thoughts here]. ditch the party. cab to iggys. salvation in manhattan. madness. uh oh noel is giving me whiskey. oh dear christian is dripping his drink onto my leg and licking it off. oh my. chris goes home. i think we have a dance party. i definitely am challenged by a stranger and yes i pick him up. noel and i decide we need to learn swing dancing. [insert censored activity here]. ditch iggys. head to kellys. sad clowns to see mean mean mean man kick kid down stairs. almost get in a fight. decide chances aren't good. move on. find out how i was found out as a singer at hookah bar on night 2. the randomness of seeing karem and posse there was just tooooooo much. the right conversation. and finally. last but not least. after embarrassing myself in the corner store with inappropriate conversation as well as lime chips and cheese dip...it happened. the fucking NINJA stole our cab. 'um did you just call me a ninja!?' 6am bedtime.
night 5: yes there's more. 11am wake up. unheard of delirium sets in. must have benedict and coffee. meet boys on ave c. walk way too much in the way too freakin hot sun. after looking at at least 10 restaurants and even going so far as sitting down in one and then getting up and leaving we end up a block from 'home' and have pretty much the best brunch ever with the most fabulous french people YES. now it's time for games. oh and please do not forget the freakin sippy cups. why are people looking at us so strangely? why aren't they laughing more? what is so wrong with drinking out of santas brains. free pizza. and 3-13 games. migrate. i love gay bars ps. why? free pizza, HAPPY HOUR and FREE WII. wii bowling rules at life and makes me want to sneeze. sol is out of control because he wins at EVERYTHING and rules at life so much i almost want to hate him. supplies from whole foods and a trip to a non blog appropriate store that definitely took our friendship to a new level [insert x-rated innuendos here]. it's finally time. doc holiday's. meridith we missed you. more sippy cup action. more 3-13 action. i should go home. do i? oh heck no. garth brooks. i do believe i saw christian picking up johnny's sister and throwing her onto the pool table. and then there was pole dancing. i for sure have bruising on my arms from that christian. ps. i'm sure your knees are bruised too? we lost santa to the wasteland that is the floor behind the bar. sad clown. more dancing. more laughing. it's 2am. i'm in a cab. goodnight.
i love you guys.
family reunion?
spider monkey al quieda ninja clown parades?
check. all of the above.
cast of characters:
sol
christian
mili
greg
tommie sunshine
daddy devine
karem
locke
tanya
chris
noel
grampa (alex)
5 nights. wed-sun. and this is how it goes.
extra curricular activities:
night 1: sushi with mili and greg. dj and dancing at the annex.
night 2: best thai food in nyc at pukk. wine and the ericksons at rockwood with grampa clown. meet christian and sol at docs for family reunion time. wander to 'pick up mili' at hookah bar on 3rd where locke is playing. end up falling into the hookah vortex, drinking beer, sol and i edward cullen-ing ourselves with watermelon double apple sweetness all night! being introduced as a famous singer. dancing skulls. fire breathing. managing to leave and head back to doc holidays. deciding we love hookah bars - who knew? home.
night 3: more sushi. delirious. ditching goldfrapp. rockwood again with mouth 'sneezing' wine. excellent singer songwriter. meander back to hookah bar with loads of wine. migrate to bowery electric to find daddy devine and greg. largest clown parade ever head to annex for a bottle and asking the very obvious question - why are we still out? cab home for edward cullen time.
night 4: ummmmm oh dear. roll outta bed. fling into east village for brunch at the heavenly paprika. business meeting with grampa clown (alex), christian and sol. come up with pretty much the best idea EVER that is going to catapult soooooooo much...just you wait and see. head to dumbo to retrieve concert tickets. take my red skirt and black vested almost x-rated self to meet sol and see in flight radio at irving plaza. rah-rah. bolt. pick up christian. subway to brooklyn. get lost and wander while boys joke that we are going to get shot and upset me by reminding me i live in brooklyn. find the bar. find tanya. eat tasteless burgers. enjoy blueberry beer. entertain ourselves with noel. chris shows up. ummmmmmmmm. [insert censored thoughts here]. ditch the party. cab to iggys. salvation in manhattan. madness. uh oh noel is giving me whiskey. oh dear christian is dripping his drink onto my leg and licking it off. oh my. chris goes home. i think we have a dance party. i definitely am challenged by a stranger and yes i pick him up. noel and i decide we need to learn swing dancing. [insert censored activity here]. ditch iggys. head to kellys. sad clowns to see mean mean mean man kick kid down stairs. almost get in a fight. decide chances aren't good. move on. find out how i was found out as a singer at hookah bar on night 2. the randomness of seeing karem and posse there was just tooooooo much. the right conversation. and finally. last but not least. after embarrassing myself in the corner store with inappropriate conversation as well as lime chips and cheese dip...it happened. the fucking NINJA stole our cab. 'um did you just call me a ninja!?' 6am bedtime.
night 5: yes there's more. 11am wake up. unheard of delirium sets in. must have benedict and coffee. meet boys on ave c. walk way too much in the way too freakin hot sun. after looking at at least 10 restaurants and even going so far as sitting down in one and then getting up and leaving we end up a block from 'home' and have pretty much the best brunch ever with the most fabulous french people YES. now it's time for games. oh and please do not forget the freakin sippy cups. why are people looking at us so strangely? why aren't they laughing more? what is so wrong with drinking out of santas brains. free pizza. and 3-13 games. migrate. i love gay bars ps. why? free pizza, HAPPY HOUR and FREE WII. wii bowling rules at life and makes me want to sneeze. sol is out of control because he wins at EVERYTHING and rules at life so much i almost want to hate him. supplies from whole foods and a trip to a non blog appropriate store that definitely took our friendship to a new level [insert x-rated innuendos here]. it's finally time. doc holiday's. meridith we missed you. more sippy cup action. more 3-13 action. i should go home. do i? oh heck no. garth brooks. i do believe i saw christian picking up johnny's sister and throwing her onto the pool table. and then there was pole dancing. i for sure have bruising on my arms from that christian. ps. i'm sure your knees are bruised too? we lost santa to the wasteland that is the floor behind the bar. sad clown. more dancing. more laughing. it's 2am. i'm in a cab. goodnight.
i love you guys.
Friday, August 8, 2008
things that make me so unbelievably happy...it should...
...really it should just be illegal:
bacon, egg and cheese on a roll - um hi heaven
ABN - adult beverage night
coming home at 3am and causing a scene
reunion time with christian and alex and meridith and doc holiday's WOOOT [I have a photo of Christian in the market at like 230am and it’s kinda priceless coming soon!]
head automatica - for saving my life today. after 3 hours of sleep the past 2 nights i thought it quite possible i just might involuntarily teleport outta my body this morning on the subway. yes that means i was feeling pretty delerious. solution? blast head automatic on my ipod and unabashedly DANCE on the subway (yes in public). not only am i now awake but i'm giggling still and singing lines from 'laghing at you' 'at the speed of a yellow bullet' and 'lying through your teeth'
oh joy
oh me
oh my
oh yeah! and speaking of reunions. some random i met like um eight months ago resurfaced outta nowhere last night. love it.
and my phone is bursting now with all the new friends that are in it.
and
and
and
michael if you're reading this you better get yer skinny ass up to nyc next weekend before we send a squadron of angry mobsters to pick you up and deliver you to us.
shannon's here in 3 days ummm kinda the best thing EVER
jess will be here too ummm herro
and oh yeah don't forget kill hannah.
dance party anyone?
the end.
ps
if you need to
a) wake up
b) laugh and smile and feel happy to be alive
c) i'm tired, just watch this:
bacon, egg and cheese on a roll - um hi heaven
ABN - adult beverage night
coming home at 3am and causing a scene
reunion time with christian and alex and meridith and doc holiday's WOOOT [I have a photo of Christian in the market at like 230am and it’s kinda priceless coming soon!]
head automatica - for saving my life today. after 3 hours of sleep the past 2 nights i thought it quite possible i just might involuntarily teleport outta my body this morning on the subway. yes that means i was feeling pretty delerious. solution? blast head automatic on my ipod and unabashedly DANCE on the subway (yes in public). not only am i now awake but i'm giggling still and singing lines from 'laghing at you' 'at the speed of a yellow bullet' and 'lying through your teeth'
oh joy
oh me
oh my
oh yeah! and speaking of reunions. some random i met like um eight months ago resurfaced outta nowhere last night. love it.
and my phone is bursting now with all the new friends that are in it.
and
and
and
michael if you're reading this you better get yer skinny ass up to nyc next weekend before we send a squadron of angry mobsters to pick you up and deliver you to us.
shannon's here in 3 days ummm kinda the best thing EVER
jess will be here too ummm herro
and oh yeah don't forget kill hannah.
dance party anyone?
the end.
ps
if you need to
a) wake up
b) laugh and smile and feel happy to be alive
c) i'm tired, just watch this:
Sunday, July 27, 2008
what you witness.
what you witness. is beauty and truth. feeling their way. through archaic boundaries. through sweat and tears…bloodstains. giving through grieving. dancing in the sorrow of the self. to find rebirth. wait with regret no more. do not forestall growth for reminiscence. there is a place and time for all of this. and here. right now. in heaven. where we wait. i give and give again. in order to save myself. in order that we may find. what’s forgotten is already forgiven.
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
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