for just a moment...

i know i'm not 'allowed'
but i'm going to anyway
happy birthday
wherever you are.

hmmm. lala land and starbucks.

so
it's true
i liveat starbucks
my stuff is packed in boxes and 1/2 of it is in san francisco and half of it is in my sister's trunk
when i get up in the morning i drive to burbank and sit in starbucks working remote to my job in SF for hours while contemplating the infinity of choices before me
i long to sit with my guitar in a room all my own and practice for the show on tuesday
i want to go dance in the ocean and run in the sand that is so close to me in santa monica
i want to sit with friends and drink wine and laugh hysterically at how fabulous life is and how luxurious it feels to be free and with every opportunity to make my dreams come true at my fingertips
i am watching myself live and it is surprising me day in and out
i know that travel and surprise and spontenaity are on the rise
i know what i want
and who i am
finally
after all these tears and times and waiting and running and hiding and digging
and i miss you
all of you i've seen in the last day all of those i have missed for years that i might never see again
everyone that i love
which is every one of you
life is good
it always is
perfect
and i cherish these moments when i can actually see it feel it touch and taste it

big hugs (or higs) to all of you

xoxox.
kg

i love.

and life changes.
the world shifts.
the fog rolls in.
my mouth tastes different.
my voice craves other ears.

unexpected blessings.
heavy hearts releasing.
honoring.
obeying.

the weight of love is not one
to dispose of.
I hold it.
embrace it.
feel every inch of it.
such new skin.

what would this world hold
without such imposition.
without such movement.

one woman.
a soul
very much
my own right now.
to love in such a rage.
to want with such a need
that all other shortcomings
become irrelevant.
erased.
and
the receiving end.
no knowledge.
bodies that function
without emotion.
(such ability to hide.)

but we are one.
us women.
to sit and feel
and breathe
and touch deep
sadness.

and this brings smiles.
to feel.
to throw back
warmth
and comfort
that has been taken.
I am not afraid.
I am not ashamed.
I am admitting.
that I am in love.
that I do not hold
back
this water.

and it is felt
in every movement
in every breath
in every swallow

music
holds
me.

one step
towards all
that I have
and all that
will be.

I love
I love
I love

and
one
day
all
will
see.

sound never dies.

this journal. that blog. so many places to record thoughts.
my morning pages. on myspace. on my website. here.
i realize today that sound doesn't die. that space is always filled again and again with endless variations of thought, word, deed and feeling.

a deep well of sadness turns to anger. if vulchers could find you...ha.
and then release. a week of endless joy and entertainment...laughing and forgetting sleep to make up for all the happiness i looked less upon this past year. i had an entire year of fun in one week. it was blessing heaped upon blessing.
thank you.

i have started to clean. i am packing. i am moving. i cannot wait. this stale city i was holding my breath for. how silly of me. i can laugh at myself and smile gently. thank god. or i would have killed myself so easily these past weeks.
i thought on it.
but laughter always won out.

thank you nyc for the blessings of friendship and opportunity. thank you los angeles for the purpose and promise of music and love. thank you san francisco for blanketing me with warmth and comfort. i have no need of you any more. no need of you at all.

goodbye.

28.

it's late. i can hear ludlow calling.
i am home.
it's my birthday.
officially it's over. but a good friend told me it's not officially over until you go to bed. i was up 24 hours ago. i am up again. sleep is not necessary in nyc.

july 22.
sin-e.
buckley.
i covered the sky is a landfill.
i was told 'you are so buckley' which made me smile
i thought i knew some dude from a band i booked or played with so i chatted...
um it was the bass played from elefant. yeah.
and he hung all night watching the show. it was pretty cool.
thai food. back to sin-e. shots of jaeger a nyc birthday tradition.
this was an amazing amazing amazing night.
my first time playing my songs in nyc.
lizzy grant and jennifer glass thank you for sharing. for being there.
nyc thank you for showing up. the crowd. the gang. the music pool table and marshmallows even.
life is happening. the voice the sound the songs. it was real and i was alive.
and i want to do this every day. stand in the shade and live. breathe. change.
i have elefant on right now and it makes me laugh.
life is grand. nyc is home. and the time is come to change. move. shift. again.
you will see. soon i will share.
for now.
close your eyes. take a deep breath and smile. love is in the air.
thank you shannon for making this trip and this night so amazing.
and alexis and david, darrell and taly for the amp.
friends. ahhhhhhhh. such beauty.
sleep should come soon so that tomorrow we can go again and taste the night.
amen.
thank you jeff.
thank you.

amen.

xo
kim

music beauty truth muse.

music. beauty. truth
I wish I could explain this to you
but that is the joy in sound
it can only be heard
it can only penetrate
it can only touch your cells
and you react.
the words the chords the melody
it all calculates emotion, subconscious, superconscious.
and it changes you.
sound changes us.
such a simple reality.
so rarely honored.
but tonight.
leaps in the air. arms and hands rocking.
the actual velocity of sound moving the entire body
down to the cells…dancing.
it is a surreal experience in that it happens too rarely
but I am grounded and fully alive right now.
‘starlight’
‘butterflies & hurricanes’
‘hysteria’
these songs could fuel a war
with the self
and you would win.
I wish I could show you
I wish I could convince you
to listen to this music
to let it touch you
to let it come inside you
to go and see it hear it touch it
live.
there is no other experience close to this
something that puts you so completely into
your own body that you just about puke
and you can’t feel anything but bass throbbing
the length of your body
hair to heart to feet
one two three.
embracing. caressing.
a lover.
an alter ego.
an unknown friend.
the soul
the soul
the soul.
and I am reminded who I am
what it’s like to be fully alive
like this
like this
like this
where every thought comes and goes
unfiltered
felt
unjudged
an acceptance and simplicity
all of this.
thank you.
muse.
for giving life tonight.

July 19, 2006 12:40am

a new.

pretend this was posted last sunday....i wrote it in the la guardia airport before flying back to sf. love. love. love.

I saw the sun rise these past two mornings. it’s like heaven shedding skin. the smell of salt hit me as I got outta the cab. airports no longer scare me. flying no longer frames me. I am not sure I am afraid of anything other than myself anymore. and this is a beautiful thing.

how to recap the last week? the last few weeks in actuality…

let’s start with new york. Jessica. Leanna. Alexis. Shannon. Mikey. Sabrina. Estelle. Kenny. Brooklyn. boogaloo. being the tall girl outside the club. babies. mini bonfires. marshmallow promotions lady outside pizza joint. (wait hold on. do you wanna marshmallow??) rockstars. red bulls. not drinking. not sleeping. not writing. not caring. shiny toy guns. open center. Jennifer Glass. Paige. early may. martha’s producer!!! subways. the studio. mad scientist (msg). live music. shade bar. v bar/café. new bands. sin-e.pomme frites. empire state building. memories. neighborhoods. bleecker street. cheese shop yum. um, pool hall. france’s ping pong champion anyone? sal’s! garlic knots. hip hop club? stalked by a bouncer? white sunglasses. miniskirts. a-train. ‘kimmy.’ drama. fulton-that man, on the subway!!! polaroids. (boys smoking in the subway.) cake factory. parsons. drunk girl. nyu. just plain weird! all around. dirt. flip flops. soho. rain. meatpacking. distilling the soul to find the voice. again. stepping aside to let spirit ride this out. the highs and lows will not go. the city will always attempt to swallow
me. and I am finally ready.

I wish I could write for hours to recap all the love and joy and beauty and laughter I recaptured this week. suffice it to say that going with nearly 3 hours a sleep a night proves to be enough when I am following my own footsteps. adventuring and living the life I have been dreaming of. always. I cannot explain the emotion that lingers. the heartstring that will not cut. the knowing. I can only ask that this will be enough. that this will come again. that the shift in focus will prove to be the correct path indeed. will prove that happiness can recreate inside skin. 6am. airplanes. photos. music. tattoos. hair. skin. friction. tears. truth. smiles. laughter. birth. mamma. fear. convalescing. communication. want. desires. touch. taste. sound. alone. legs. sky. new. york. new. me…

(thank you all who share in this life. all such beautiful blessings…)

this is all that I can say:


















shirly temple - YES!!!!











early may...finally:












i'm amazed at how fast i can snap pictures sometimes...this guy was just way too freakin stylish to pass up. xo:


if only i could tell you all about the marshmallows...oh man. unending entertainment. i still think this place should pay me to stand outside and hand out marshmallows to all patrons. it really was a hit. even thr old lady spitting them out on the sidewalk. classic:


they taste best toasted:


ah chris pappa. you were the highlight of the evening. ha:


my girls leanna and jessica. love you two; so do the muppets. muppet!




yeah sometimes sabrina's a pirate. and yes nyc is random!


she's just too cute:




too random and hilarious to leave out. mikey if your faces were any funnier you'd be ME:


awe the kids. alexis i miss you!!



full photo shoots will be posted SOON.

xoxo.
kim