stars.

i can’t see. the color of skin. blinding me. forgotten the ways of sound and your face. forgotten the taste of love on my limbs. alive this weight of the world. standing so near to me. the fortunate light bursting through. the sky unable to hold me. the stars aching with their pull. their lasso. their final attempt to stand down and let loose…my final disgrace.

clean.

fill my mouth with stars
animosity overridden
with guilty pleasure
the space between your eyes
haunting...
the width of your fingers
etched inside me
the length of your face
still near.

in all these memories
a truce
in knowing
the state of emergency
has long since healed
the wait of such mystery
long ago fulfilled.

i'm
moving
in
synch
with
the
weight
of
water
stilling
my
skin.

gush time [the editors.]

music. it's been mulling around in all shapes and forms these days. what's good. what's decent. what's life changing earth shattering. what's not just total and utter bullshite. standing outside of piano's this weekend amid a gang of uk hipsters running amok to see gawd only knows who...i was pleasantly surprised by the conversation i overheard. not too-cool kids discussing their love of some overrated band that we will all forget about next month...oh no. they were discussing their disdain for all the 'funny music' being produced. now this is truth. so much of what is hitting the lines these days is quite simply comedy. it's like, how many more times do i need to see a band in their underwear dancing on stage and talking about bubble gum or washing dishes with their mom or repeating the same line over and over again but backing it with a danceable beat so now it's ok and justified to put out on a cd and put on live shows???

i'm so glad i'm not the only one bored by this...[yes i was beginning to worry]

now the kim moment. and what brings me to my need to post today.

the editors.

when first listening to their new album 'the end has a start' i had the same immediate reaction i had to interpol [ugh, joy division rip off]. last week i downloaded the album since my good and trusted friend has been raving about it [hi, i have oh maybe 2 friends whose music taste i trust and when they speak i listen...]. first song comes on, [ugh, interpol rip off]. now i guess i should clarify that i went on to fall in love with interpols second album and took back every sly remark made against them. perhaps with bands such as this it takes two albums. in any case. the editors. holy fucking god dammit beautiful. finally. music that is heady, inspired, dark and morose dealing with the fear of survival and the mysteries and pains tied to death and the horrors occurring every moment in this world right now. and the sheer uplifting beauty that comes from living with, in and through it. it is neither depressing nor distracting. it is honest. painful. and gorgeous.

i can't stop listening.

have some. please. put on your headphones and if you are not convinced try again in a week. i swear. it will own you.


put your head towards the air
&
well worn hand

[i'd also like to shout out kitchenware records their small uk label. see...it really can work!!]

love and lifted. xokg.

you do what you do

only in new york. i have found you....the most amazing bar/speakeasy/restaurant i've ever been in. i don't want to tell you the name but go to 6th st in the east village and find the wooden door that weighs 100 lbs to open and enter. there are no windows. do not be afraid. get the first drink on the menu, the jalapeno infused tequila with lemon and strawberry puree. watch the long process it takes to make drinks. admire the men in ties and vests. and nina and frank on the stereo. be so happy to be in such a gloriously romantic and yet hip spot that is utterly chill and relaxed. heaven. thank you new york.

i have a plan and so many words to say. but not now. the appearance of so many old friends and loves and nights warm my heart. i hope you all can come visit. i think i've only slept alone about 4 nights since moving into my new place...so many visitors. keep it coming. now if i could just master this whole work/day/play/night/go-out-every-second-i'm-alive-in-manhattan attitude and not get sick we'd be golden.

life is so good it makes my tongue hurt.

oh yeah and ending up at random hip hop events with chi-town jess is just classic. nothing like mc's/dj's and loads of people wearing old school ray bands with neon sides and even more people wearing their glasses without any lenses in them. wow. flava-flav would be so proud! when the serious hip-hop was ending they started mixing in g-n-r. at this point i started shaking my head...it was time to go. lovers you chicago peeps. xoxo.

pj harvey : beacon theatre

thank you
thank you
thank you
thank you

pj.

thank you.

[rebirth.]

seasons.

today i am missing the seasons that no one is privy to. the changes of the interior. the paths i have tread. the road i am wandering now, traced by fate and the lingering lives i have left behind. it seems everywhere i turn today there are reminders. of moments of simplicity. when i made careless decisions that have lead me to this place. into this space where everything i own and everything i am is all that i want and need. and yet i have given up so much. so many. and this innocence now gone, scratches at my limbs. i have caved in. and now i must face my sins with bowed head and palms bleeding. i miss my beautiful friends. i miss the bridge that holds solid these dreams. the forest that was always able to witness my rebirth. the desert that gave me movement and healed my head. i want the moment i gave myself away to erase. i want my hands to fold steady once again. i want the stupidity of growing pains to lessen the weight now straining my heart. without the wings surrounding me now i would not be breathing. in a space such as this with no home no love no standstill i continue. i must. because if i gave up everything i love...it's got to be for something. it's got to be for this. [i am steps away from it. inches before my face. i can taste it. let this be the last leg of the race...]

xx.kg.

and now......what i do best!

today, while enjoying my food and beverage from the deli next door i will attempt to do what i do best. explain in grandiose detail the excitement that is my life. and i will do this without ever giving away the secret truths that are really at the heart of me. i've got mad skills.

doc holiday's. once again you have provided ample entertainment and a fertile playground for all things new york. my new partners in crime, narnia and golf digest [names changed to protect their identity], have been converted to lovers of DH as well. meridith i love you. what a beautiful way to end a crazed maniacal day... dwayne. i think you saved my heart just a little bit last night. it was quite a day. one in which every great saga of my life was coming to a head. meetings were had. a letter was written and appointments were made. the letter wasn't sent. you convinced me to wait. maybe it's not worth it. maybe it doesn't matter. all i know is that you understand the pain that comes with this. and you let me know it was okay to do nothing. maybe that was just the alcohol talking. but between the advice and the Foreigner tour schedule from 1978 that you handed to me...i was a pretty happy
kim-chee last night.

i fail for not having my camera. i also realize i'm about 2 months behind on the paparazzi page [sorry kids]. the update will come soon.

mysterious bruises really are the defining factor of a great night out. [thanks for pointing this out navani.]

and now for my encore i will simply stop writing this blog by stating the obvious and well known fact that coffee is a miracle drug that i love to consume in large quantities and will continue to do so for the rest of my life. amen.

standing 5 feet from 11 humongous speakers

i was 3 feet from the stage and about 5 feet from a wall of speakers. i can't really hear right now. but i sang and danced and jumped with my keys hanging from my pocket [sorry shannon]. banquet. blue light. modern love. i don't know your names but you are one of my favorite bands. bloc party. thank you for madison square garden tonight. thank you for bringing sounds to make me move and forget thought for an hour and a half. you know how much i love you but....you just weren't all there tonight. me thinks you like london. perhaps sitting in your flat writing and drinking and singing and tweaking. the cute lil bass player...i thought he might start yawning. poor guy looked like he wanted nothing more than to be curled up with his wife at home. and emo guitar man? i like how your hair covered all your face but you were more than shy. the only expression you ever betrayed was a 1/2 second wave at the end of the night. now mr drummer man. you were kinda into it. you got us clapping a few times. and handed out your drum sticks and water bottles at the end of the set. i think you were happy to be there. and well thank god for you singer/guitarist/savior of my soul at times. if you hadn't asked us to sing along, let us have a solo during blue light and ran a lap around the entire theatre during the encore i might have forgot this was a rock show. bottom line and truth be told...you were all beautiful. honest. i love you. i didn't feel my soul being ripped out and reassembled as i do when i see matthew, chris and dominic. but not everyone can do that. and well...your cd's are so beautiful that i forgive you for everything. thank you nyc for another amazing evening.
xokg.

a perfect song.

this is one of the most perfect songs i have ever heard in my life. i'd like to thank jennifer glass for covering it a few months back and bringing it to life. i must confess i was quite bored and not paying attention when i saw this band perform with martha wainwright last year... :)
your instructions: download. play. repeat.

You Could Be Happy [snow patrol]

You could be happy and I won't know
But you weren't happy the day I watched you go
And all the things that I wish I had not said
Are played in loops till it's madness in my head

Is it too late to remind you how we were
Not our last days of silent screaming blur
Most of what I remember makes me sure
I should have stopped you from walking out the door

You could be happy, I hope you are
You made me happier than I've been by far

Somehow everything I own smells of you
And for the tiniest moment it's all not true
Do the things that you always wanted to
Without me there to hold you back, don't think, just do

More than anything I want to see you grown
Take a glorious bite out of the whole world

loss

i know this feeling [numb]. this hollow pit of stomach. the pain of a year unfolding. the inability to speak, to think elsewhere. the failure to eat. sitting in the sun but the chills keep coming. a year ago it was him. today it is the loss of self. and i know this feeling will pass. it will evolve into a moment only to recall. but today. and tomorrow and the day after i know. at least this much. that it will remain, tied to my waist. such a solid ambivalent reminder, that i have lost. that i must surrender. that i must continue the dreaming...

sometimes.

sometimes. there are small animosities. fears that have allowed sullen claws to digress. tears that have hastened their approach, looking beyond thought, passing over memory and simply waiting for release.
when your breath quickens and your palms sweat you are withdrawing into a place where i will not be able to face you. and in this secret world where every moment is encased in silence i can see, the angry fate of such love as this. the only fate worthy of sound and space.

skin.

please don't tear the skin. there is not much left. and there are tiny time bombs, asking why, and you are scuttling off without reply. resounding answers...that nothing can erase. a place where lust was dry and caused such empty space to come alive. there are retreats, small cavities i can hide inside, where you find me. breathing. barely alive. there are treatises. waving red flags. on approach...heaving. then, just gone. and often, without so much, as a sullen goodbye.