loss

i know this feeling [numb]. this hollow pit of stomach. the pain of a year unfolding. the inability to speak, to think elsewhere. the failure to eat. sitting in the sun but the chills keep coming. a year ago it was him. today it is the loss of self. and i know this feeling will pass. it will evolve into a moment only to recall. but today. and tomorrow and the day after i know. at least this much. that it will remain, tied to my waist. such a solid ambivalent reminder, that i have lost. that i must surrender. that i must continue the dreaming...