assassins vs. glaciers

I wish I could but I can’t. I wish it was easy but it’s not. send the assassins and let’s be done with it.

And I, will stand aside. cold ice beneath me. I can run and slide and fall breathless beside you. but I will always return. to my home. and you yours. you belong. and I keep dragging myself along. asking for why’s. expecting explanations when the answers are in what has not been given. the answers are what has not been said. and I won’t see I won’t see. I can’t hear. I won’t listen. you can’t make me. so I falter.

I have the happiest most blessed synchronistic day EVER in like FOREVER and then I come home to sit in silence and feel into the heart which is the one place longing and lacking its moment of happiness. and I fear it ‘s what fuels me. I fear it’s what keeps everything else in my life moving. because if I were able to give this love away it would take away everything that I love. and I still can’t tell if it’s worth it. but it’s all that I can see.